10 Ways To Help The Poor Without Ever Lifting A Finger | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    It's important for Christians to live a life of charity, but it's, like, really hard. Wouldn't it be great if you could support the poor without putting any effort or self-sacrifice into it? Now there are ten ways!

    Sort of support the poor with these great methods:

  1. Send thoughts and prayers: You don't even have to get out of bed!
  2. Yell at them to get a job: This will motivate them to become productive members of society.
  3. Vote for high taxes, which will totally go to the poor: This may appear to perpetuate the homeless crisis, but that just means it's working.
  4. Have your butler do it: He knows tons of poor people.
  5. Give a "crying face" react when you see something about poor people on social media: This awards you with at least 5 faith/works points which can be exchanged in Heaven for a small prize.
  6. Make eye contact with the homeless and quietly mouth, "I'm sorry," while stopped in traffic: Sometimes they just need to know you care.
  7. Start tracking your carbon emissions for proper taxation: Helping the earth is literally the same as helping the poor we think.
  8. Donate your unwanted and about-to-expire canned goods to charity: Ugh, lima beans!
  9. Pay a kid to mow your lawn: Kids are very poor.
  10. Say, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled": Problem solved.

    Stick to these tried and true methods to become the most benevolent person around! Or, you could consider actually doing something that matters. But that sounds hard.
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