Black Smoke Rises From Vatican As Pope Tosses Another Bible Into The Fireplace | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    VATICAN CITY     Black smoke was seen rising from the chimney of the world-famous Sistine Chapel as Pope Francis tossed another Bible into the fireplace to keep himself warm. According to sources, the pope's penchant for Bible burning has led to a series of spiritual gaffes in which he appears to undermine the Catholic faith.

    A multitude of bishops reportedly confronted the Holy See regarding recent declarations that "being homosexual is not a crime" and suggested that he's confusing the subject, making it harder for homosexuals to confront their sin. But when they attempted to appeal to him with scripture they discovered all the Bibles had been passed through the flame.

    "The pope is in a constant battle against the sin of climate change," said Vatican spokesperson Fr. Mario Pizza. "What do you want him to do? Be cold?!"

    "Climate change!" his holiness muttered to himself as he stirred up the flames with a fire poker. "The greatest evil of our age. I bet it says something about it in that Bible I just burned."

    Though the pope had several idols he was supposed to be burning, including a wooden totem depicting Incan goddess Pachamama, he found that Bibles burned best. "I can't offend Amazonions," declared the supreme pontiff. "They throw spears!"

    Cardinals, Bishops, and Priests - all upset with the way the pope was handling the matter, were reportedly unable to convince the pope he was bringing undue scandal upon the church.

    "Eh, it's fine," shrugged American Bishop John Gavinspiel. "I can't just tell the pope he's wrong. He's the Pope!"

    He continued, "He probably knows what he's doing. Maybe this is 4D chess!"

    At publishing time, Pope Francis ran out of Bibles to burn and mistakenly used wood instead, which caused white smoke to rise from the chimney. The college of cardinals suddenly descended upon him and appointed a new pope.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Pence Turns Himself In To Childhood Scoutmaster After Discovering He Accidentally Kept Knot-Tying Manual Babylon Bee, Editorials, Somebody's Laughing, Op-Ed & Politics, The Arts Pfizer Introduces New Mascot 'Clotty'


HbAD0

Latest The Arts

The game show “Jeopardy!,” in which gives contestants must give answers in the form of a question, embraced the woke agenda by including so-called “neo-pronouns” as an answer.
Actor Gary Sinise delivered a glowing tribute to his late son, McCanna Anthony “Mac” Sinise, nearly two months after he died of chordoma, an extremely rare cancer that attacks the spine.
Kevin Costner just released the trailer for his upcoming Western drama film, “Horizon: An American Saga.”
The classic musical film “Mary Poppins” has been changed to a “PG” rating in the United Kingdom due to perceived “discriminatory language.”
The 2024 SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Awards ceremony took place Saturday night, with current popular titles “Oppenheimer” and “The Bear” taking home multiple awards.
Shia LaBeouf received the Sacrament of Confirmation, completing his conversion to Catholicism, on Sunday, and the actor’s confirmation sponsor suggested LaBeouf may become a deacon “in the future.”
Michael Keaton said he’s been having a blast working on the “Beetlejuice” sequel and that, as promised, it’s not going to be filled with CGI-heavy special effects.
Sony Pictures entertainment has announced that four separate Beatles movies are in the works, one featuring each of the members of the famed British band.
In this high tech Home Theater era of endless options of cinematic series, movies, sitcoms, and episodic television, we, who consume, all have our favorites in this copious threaded arena of these many entertaining stories of reality, comedy, and, on occasion, high art reminiscent of the best of us.

HbAD1

New York District Attorney Letitia James followed through on her threat to seize the property of Trump by grabbing up the former president's estate, Mar-a-lago. The top lawyer for the Big Apple then turned around and sold the property for $740 million.
The latest installment of “The Pendragon Cycle” production diaries takes the bull by the horns, literally, with an incredible bull dancing scene shot in Rome.
Mark Wahlberg said that COVID caused a “disconnect” between Americans and called for people to come back together through the “power of prayer.”
Fans can pay to see an Elvis Presley concert thanks to the growing popularity of AI technology in the concert sphere.
“Sound of Freedom” beat out Taylor Swift’s “The Eras Tour” movie to finish in the top ten of 2023 box office tallies domestically.
“The Chosen” dropped a fiery new trailer on Thursday that gives fans a sneak peek at what to expect in the upcoming episodes in Season 4, which will be shown in theaters.
What began as a pleasant seminar at Lakewood Church devolved into an awkward situation today, as Senior Pastor Joel Osteen was stumped by one attendee who asked him to name three books from the Bible.
A new horror movie featuring the “Steamboat Willie” version of Mickey Mouse is currently in the works, per a Variety report.

HbAD2

“Friends” alumnus David Schwimmer took to Instagram on Friday to call out people who continued to deny increasing reports and evidence that the terror group Hamas used sexual violence as a weapon against Israeli women — both during the October 7th attacks and on hostages in Gaza.
“Star Trek” actor LeVar Burton was shocked to discover that one of his ancestors was a white Confederate soldier.
"I was being hunted down from everything I posted to every post I liked…”
As the Supreme Court began to hear the case regarding former President Donald Trump being removed from the ballot in Colorado, Justice Ketanji brown Jackson paused oral arguments to ask what this "Constitution" thing is everyone keeps talking about.
Shortly after the news of his passing was announced, tributes to country music legend Toby Keith started pouring in.
In a pop romance earthquake, Taylor Swift dumped Kansas City Chiefs star Travis Kelce for new beau Holden Armenta, better known as "Face Paint Boy".
Some of the biggest stars in television were honored at the 75th Primetime Emmy Awards Monday night. The show was delayed from September, which was too close to the end of the actors and writers strikes from the summer and early fall.
Robert Downey Jr. won the award for Best Supporting Actor at the 2024 Critics Choice Awards over the weekend, but instead of giving a typical acceptance speech, the actor chose to quote from some of his critics.
In a shocking turn of events, the Epstein List was found hanging in a secure document storage facility this morning, according to local authorities.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top