Gay Couple Shops For A Designer Baby To Match Their Shoes | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ASHEVILLE, NC     According to sources, local gay couple Garth Millens and Chaz Nimby have begun the process of shopping for a brand-new designer baby to adopt as their own - hopefully one that matches their shoes and will look fetching when they're walking with it down Grove Street.

    "Ohhhmy gahhhh, Garth, look at the brown one! He'll go great with my Balenciagas! Can we get a brown one?" said Chaz as they scrolled through a selection of skin tones, eye colors, and hair types on a site that sells the wombs of disadvantaged mothers for use in surrogacy. "Oh, wait wait! The white one would look sooooo good with my Reeboks though. Ugh, it's so hard to pick!"

    Sources say that once the couple selects the preferred genetics of their new designer baby, they will hire a local college student who's struggling to pay her bills to rent out her uterus for 9 months, after which they will strip the baby from his mother and raise him as their own.

    Sources say that in the end, the couple decided on a redhead to match Garth's Zappos.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Sad: YouTuber MrBeast Spends Millions Curing Blind People When He Could've Sent Another Tank To Ukraine Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Miracle: Biden Ends Same COVID Pandemic For The Third Time


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

says Democrats no longer represent his moral views
President Joe Biden patted himself on the back Monday morning as multiple banks have collapsed in recent days, claiming that the “quick action” of his administration has stabilized the banking industry.
Rates of violent crime and other behavioral problems spiked in recent months as students returned to North Carolina public school classrooms after government-forced closures and remote learning schedules.
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said Sunday that there would be no bailout for the collapsed Silicon Valley Bank.
In my family the song “Daddy sang base, Mama sang tenor” was not far from the truth. Only in my family Daddy sang bass, mama played the piano.
NBC News host Chuck Todd complained over the weekend that Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis signed into law “Victims of Communism Day” which teaches students in the state the far-left ideology’s murderous history.
The U.S. Supreme Court has issued an order asking for more information in the Moore v. Harper redistricting case. Justices want to know how a rehearing in a related N.C. Supreme Court case this month affects the legal landscape.
Federal regulators announced over the weekend that they will fully back all depositors of Silicon Valley Bank, guaranteeing that they are paid back in full after the bank collapsed last week.
Former President Trump might be glad Signature Bank refused his business following the Capitol riot, now that the New York-based lender is the latest institution to be shut down by regulators.

HbAD1

Duke Energy Carolinas wants to increase residential rates for its customers between 16.2 and 16.6% by Sept. 1 and an additional 0.4% by Jan. 1. The utility is also seeking a rate hike for commercial and industrial customers. Rates would increase by 12.1% and 15.2%.
bought Manhattan prosecutor's office for $1 million
Pope Francis criticized radical gender ideology in a recent interview, referring to it as “one of the most dangerous ideological colonizations” in the current public discourse.
Following the unexpected collapse of Silicon Valley Bank, company officials have reached out to customers who lost their life savings with promises of a free pen.
House Intelligence Committee Chairman Mike Turner (R-OH) said that communist China is using TikTok to make its way into U.S. data systems as calls grow for the federal government to ban the app.
Gov. Cooper Proposes Historic Investments in Education, Economic Development, and Workforce Without Raising Taxes
Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) brought up left-wing riots during an interview over the weekend when asked about the recent media coverage surrounding the January 6 riot following the release of thousands of hours of video footage from the incident.
General Assembly leaders agreed to a bottom-line budget number last week, kicking off the biennium budget season. Senate Leader Phil Berger (R-Rockingham) and House Speaker Tim Moore (R-Cleveland) announced that General Fund spending would increase by 6.5% in the first year
House Intelligence Committee Chairman Mike Turner (R-OH) slammed Dr. Anthony Fauci, former director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, over the weekend for making statements about the origins of COVID that are not supported by the findings of the U.S. intelligence

HbAD2

In recent months, Republican Governors like Gregg Abbott have continued their cruel campaign against parents who pursue constitutionally-protected avenues for cleaning their children.
Senator John Kennedy (R-LA) said during an interview on Sunday that when he approached President Joe Biden about using the U.S. military to take out Mexican drug cartels, the president rebuffed him and said that it was a “bad idea.”
In a press conference Thursday, Senate Leader Phil Berger and House Speaker Tim Moore announced that an agreement has been reached between the chambers to expand the federal Medicaid entitlement program in North Carolina.
House Foreign Affairs Committee Chairman Michael McCaul (R-TX) said on Sunday that testimony from a U.S. Marine Corps Sergeant about President Joe Biden’s disastrous pullout from Afghanistan was “devastating and damaging to the administration.”
Today, Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel released the following statement on February's Producer Price Index:
Former Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker explained to Sen. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) this week how President Joe Biden’s Department of Justice is a “two-tiered system of justice” in which conservatives often get the short end of the stick.
Bob and Louise Herman reportedly caused ruinous, irredeemable destruction on their teenager's life forever for the fifth time today.
The U.S. Navy announced this week that it would be renaming a ship named for oceanographic pioneer Matthew Fontaine Maury because of Maury’s ties to the Confederacy during the later years of his life.
Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis’ first memoir, which was launched ahead of an expected announcement that he will run for president in 2024, sold more copies in its first week than books from Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top