FBI Investigating Plot Inside The Catholic Church To Worship Something Other Than The State | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    U.S.     The Catholic church is currently being infiltrated by a number of undercover FBI agents who are partaking in the sacraments, earning indulgences, and even becoming priests. According to Bishop Robert Barron, who personally caught and interrogated one of the agents in a Vatican blacksite, the bureau appears to be looking into a mysterious plot inside the church to worship something other than the state.

    "Who sent you? Why are you spying on us?" yelled the Bishop. "Why on earth would you spy on innocent parishioners?!"

    The captured FBI agent then laughed wickedly and bit down on a false tooth and ingested a cyanide tablet hidden within.

    Attorney General Merrick Garland responded to the startling revelations that agents are investigating the church by saying, "What? No! We'd never do something like that! I don't even know what you're talking about! But if there are people refusing to worship government mark my words: we will find them and make them pay."

    At publishing time, Pope Francis had revealed he's been an FBI agent this whole time.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Romney Attacks George Santos: ‘There’s Only Room For One Fake Republican In Congress’ Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Feminists Criticize Woman For Interrupting Man


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Republican Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson said that he doesn’t consider himself a politician but rather a public servant, as he delivered the Republican response to Gov. Roy Cooper’s final State of the State address on Monday night.
General Mark Milley said Wednesday that he was not prepared to consider Russia’s downing of an American drone to be an act of war. “Incidents happen,” he said.
Author and podcast host Sam Harris said author and Daily Wire host Candace Owens “should not” have opinions on subjects like the vaccine, climate change, or the war in Ukraine, adding that people should also not listen to her about such matters.
A treasure hunter made the find of his life with a metal detector, unearthing medieval gold jewelry and silver coins in the Netherlands, the Dutch National Museum of Antiquities recently announced.
“Tiger King” star Joe Exotic might be serving time in federal prison, but that is not stopping him from exploring his political ambitions — he’s announced a run for president in 2024.
RALEIGH: Today, Governor Roy Cooper, North Carolina Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Kody H. Kinsley and NC Department of Military and Veterans Affairs Secretary LtGen Walter Gaskin toured the Creative Academy Early Learning Center in Goldsboro to highlight the (MCCYN)-PLUS
BlackRock CEO Larry Fink told investors on Wednesday that the asset management company views climate change as a risk to portfolio companies.
While at his first job interview with a prospective employer Thursday, local man Justin Rasberger was crestfallen to learn that "quoting Monty Python" does not count as relevant job experience, and in fact is not currently considered a "marketable skill" among employers.

HbAD1

Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced that the social media company would dismiss 10,000 employees and cease efforts to fill 5,000 open roles amid economic turmoil and lackluster performance.
Deposits have grown by more than $15 billion in Charlotte-based bank as investors seek safer shelter for their money
Senators, including seven Republicans, voted on Wednesday to confirm President Joe Biden‘s nominee to serve as U.S. ambassador to India, embattled former Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti.
Many Americans are growing worried over the looming financial crisis as banks continue to close down due to lack of funds, a dilemma that kicked off over the weekend with a run on Silicon Valley Bank.
Russian officials shared plans to salvage the remains of a U.S. military drone that crashed into the Black Sea on Tuesday.
North Carolina Democrat Gov. Roy Cooper gave his fourth and final State of the State address Monday night to what appeared to be, at times, a divided room between Democrats and Republicans.
President Joe Biden expressed a strong degree of economic confidence even as the Consumer Price Index rose 6.0% between February 2022 and February 2023 and price pressures from household staples continued to worsen.
Executives at Silicon Valley Bank are reeling after learning one of the most brutal lessons in banking: if you invest your money irresponsibly, the government will just bail you out.

HbAD2

Fox News regular Geraldo Rivera voiced his frustration on Tuesday with Republicans who are continuing to investigate President Joe Biden’s embattled son Hunter, telling them to “put up or shut up.”
RALEIGH: Governor Roy Cooper announced North Carolina boards and commissions appointments and nominations today.
The Supreme Court has asked for significant extra funding for police protection in the wake of abortion activists targeting SCOTUS judges because of the overturn of Roe v. Wade.
radical gender activists file complaint against two feminists
Individuals and political action committees associated with defunct financial institution Silicon Valley Bank have donated extensively to leading politicians.
sends key signature verification issue back to trial court
After banning the Russian Orthodox Church in the country, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is now reportedly banning the Ukrainian Orthodox Church, which has approximately 10,000 parishes throughout the nation.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top