Jerk In Front Of You Going Speed Limit | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    BOISE, ID     A new report confirmed by multiple sources indicates the guy driving in front of you has the absolute nerve to drive the legal speed limit on the one-lane freeway you're driving on. What a jerk!

    "You're supposed to go 5-10 miles per hour over the limit, everyone knows this," said one eyewitness who also found himself stuck behind the thoughtless creep going 65 miles per hour like an utter weirdo. "This guy obviously either didn't get the memo or he's literally never driven a car before. Jerk!"

    Though exceeding the posted speed limit is legally wrong, all sensible Americans have agreed to an unspoken rule that speed limits are more like guidelines. "Nobody drives the speed limit," continued the witness. "You either drive below the speed limit, in which case you're a grandpa who doesn't belong on the road, or you go way too fast, in which case you're an impatient moron who has no regard for the safety of others. But drive the speed limit? Only MAJOR jerks do that."

    The jerk driving the speed limit in front of you could not be reached for comment, but that does not change the fact that he is, as suspected, a jerk. "Every reasonable person drives faster than the speed limit," the eyewitness concluded. "It's just like insurance fraud. Is it technically illegal? Yes. But everyone does it anyway, right? No? Why are you looking at me like that?"

    At publishing time, an investigation was ongoing to determine if the jerk driving the speed limit in front of you was actually a dangerous psychopath or just merely a jerk.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Trump Indicted In New York For Eating Pizza Cooked In Wood-Burning Oven Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Move To Florida To Escape New York Pizza Oven Ban


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Mark 8:15 And he charged them, saying, Take heed, beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, and of the leaven of Herod.
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
Majority also believe that prosecution by Bragg is a political witch hunt
Atheist Soros, although born Jewish, was Nazi collaborator in Hungary in WWII
anti-immigration conservative nationalist beats Social Democrat incumbent 2 to 1
Biden wants to push this in public schools and Gov. deSantis says NO

HbAD1

this at the time that pro-Hamas radicals are rioting around the country
populist / nationalist anti-immigration AfD most popular party among young voters, CDU second
Barr had previously said he would jump off a bridge before supporting Trump

HbAD2

illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic
Decision is a win for election integrity. NC should do the same.
Biden regime intends to force public school compliance as well as colleges
prosecutors appeal acquittal of member of parliament in lower court for posting Bible verse
Biden abuses power to turn statute on its head; womens groups to sue

HbAD3

 
Back to Top