'I Don't Want My Skull Fractured By A Man,' Says Bigoted Female Athlete | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SCRANTON, PA     Female athlete Kelly Baker was expelled from her university this week after refusing to have her skull fractured by a man, reports claim. During a press conference, she was officially rebuked as a bigot which, according to NCAA guidelines, bars her from joining a competing school.

    "I just don't want to have my skull crushed, that's all," said Baker in a statement. "I believe every person is made with equal dignity, and I am not in any way afraid of trans people. I am, however, afraid of brain hemorrhages. I'm sorry, but I'm only going to do karate against other women."

    Baker was officially removed from the team after she declined to fight a 250-pound man named "Julianna", who sent his past three female opponents to the hospital with broken craniums. "It was so dehumanizing how Kelly didn't let me bash her face in," said Julianna, formerly known as "Gary". "Karate is all about technique, anyways. If Kelly cannot handle getting a subdural hematoma from a beautiful woman like me, she needs to get out of the sport."

    According to sources, Julianna holds the record for most broken bones in a single karate tournament, but gender experts maintain this has nothing to do with higher testosterone levels.

    At publishing time, Julianna had been crowned champion of the tournament as all of the other competitors were unconscious.

poll#201

Considering what real news is available for all to witness, and in great specificity, should one pursue what is true outside of the channeled realm of the corrupt corporate /legacy media, and: Is Institutionalized Corruption real, and is it a hindrance to sustaining our Constitutional Republic now, and for future generations of American citizens?

  Yes

  No

  Not sure

454 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#164

It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?

  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.

  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.

  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?

846 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?