The White House explained today that President Biden's horrific sunburn occurred due to him spreading mayonnaise on his face instead of his ham sandwich, a snafu that could happen to anyone of any cognitive ability.
Published: Tuesday, April 2nd, 2024 @ 11:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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As new studies reveal a significant decline in student literacy in the United States, experts examining the data have concluded the problem stems from there not being enough drag queen story hours in American libraries.
Published: Saturday, March 23rd, 2024 @ 4:49 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Former President Donald Trump called on 81-year-old President Joe Biden to take a cognitive exam Thursday morning, just hours after the commander-in-chief’s doctor said he was “fit to serve” following his annual physical exam.
Published: Saturday, March 23rd, 2024 @ 1:32 pm
By: Daily Wire
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On Tuesday, House Republicans announced they had subpoenaed Attorney General Merrick Garland for materials from special counsel Robert Hur’s investigation into President Joe Biden’s handling of classified documents that culminated with a report released earlier this month.
Published: Saturday, March 16th, 2024 @ 11:53 pm
By: Daily Wire
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“They view them as future Dem voters."
Published: Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 @ 1:44 am
By: Daily Wire
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President Joe Biden said on Monday that he would be willing to meet with House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) about a foreign aid package that is making its way through Congress.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 8:28 am
By: Daily Wire
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The White House suggested on Monday that President Joe Biden will not take a cognitive test during his yearly physical exam — despite overwhelming skepticism from voters that he has the mental fitness needed to serve a second term.
Published: Sunday, February 25th, 2024 @ 12:51 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Republicans Slam Biden Admin For Saying ICE Will Reduce Deportations If GOP Doesn’t Pass Border BillTop Republicans fired back at the White House this week after the Biden administration threatened that Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) would deport fewer illegal aliens if Republicans did not pass the Senate’s controversial border bill.
Published: Friday, February 23rd, 2024 @ 12:50 pm
By: Daily Wire
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KJP Snaps When Asked About Biden Saying He Recently Talked To French President Who Died 27 Years AgoWhite House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre snapped at a reporter this week when she was asked about President Joe Biden’s mental health after he said that he recently talked to a French president who has been dead for nearly three decades.
Published: Thursday, February 22nd, 2024 @ 3:14 pm
By: Daily Wire
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A news report published on Wednesday undercuts President Joe Biden‘s criticism of special counsel Robert Hur over an investigation into the commander-in-chief’s handling of classified documents.
Published: Thursday, February 22nd, 2024 @ 12:38 am
By: Daily Wire
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Despite a variety of pressing matters demanding his attention both domestically and abroad, President Joe Biden told reporters he's looking forward to a great Super Bowl tonight.
Published: Thursday, February 15th, 2024 @ 11:02 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In response to increasing displays of antisemitism across the country and around the world, authorities have advised Jewish people to protect themselves from violent attacks by no longer being Jewish.
Published: Wednesday, February 14th, 2024 @ 7:39 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In an effort to keep up positive relations amid the ongoing violent conflict between Israel and Hamas, President Joe Biden authorized an emergency airdrop to resupply the terrorists with fresh hostages.
Published: Friday, February 9th, 2024 @ 4:10 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The White House doubled down Wednesday on a statement blaming Texas for the drowning deaths of three migrants — one woman and two children — despite a DOJ filing that undermined the claim.
Published: Thursday, February 8th, 2024 @ 12:58 am
By: Daily Wire
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When you're planning for the future, it's best to know the right places to invest and what you can rely on down the road. Surprising as it may be, depending on the United States federal government has not always gone well!
Published: Wednesday, February 7th, 2024 @ 11:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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House Republicans suggested on Wednesday that President Joe Biden could face an impeachment offense related to his son Hunter Biden‘s refusal to comply with a congressional subpoena.
Published: Friday, February 2nd, 2024 @ 1:48 pm
By: Daily Wire
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President Joe Biden is expected to meet at the White House with congressional leaders on Wednesday to discuss his months-old request for roughly $106 billion to spend on a variety of national security issues that has failed to make headway on Capitol Hill.
Published: Friday, February 2nd, 2024 @ 1:45 pm
By: Daily Wire
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In response to criticism about the high prices of food as the holiday season approaches, the Biden administration assured American families that the cost of Thanksgiving dinner is actually down significantly this year
Published: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024 @ 8:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As President Joe Biden celebrated his 81st birthday, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre made the bold pronouncement that Biden is officially the youngest president in the nation's history.
Published: Sunday, January 28th, 2024 @ 12:01 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The White House ran cover for President Joe Biden on Thursday when pressed on why the commander in chief has not held a traditional year-end news conference.
Published: Thursday, January 25th, 2024 @ 12:15 am
By: Daily Wire
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Quotes
Published: Monday, January 22nd, 2024 @ 2:15 pm
By: Countrygirl1411
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The American Civil Liberties is suing Texas over a new law that gives state officials the ability to arrest and deport illegal immigrants amid a flood of illegal crossings into the state.
Published: Tuesday, January 16th, 2024 @ 2:27 am
By: Daily Wire
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According to sources, President Biden has been awaiting results from the latest polls to see if giving Israel a right to defend itself is a popular thing or if they should just be annihilated or whatever.
Published: Sunday, December 31st, 2023 @ 11:21 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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House investigators may have received a new line of inquiry in their newly-authorized impeachment probe after President Joe Biden‘s son Hunter Biden defied a subpoena for a deposition, according to George Washington University law professor Jonathan Turley.
Published: Thursday, December 21st, 2023 @ 11:41 am
By: Daily Wire
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White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre abruptly ended Thursday’s press conference after a reporter that Jean-Pierre often ignores demanded to be called on.
Published: Saturday, December 16th, 2023 @ 1:41 pm
By: Daily Wire
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As the terrorist organization Hamas continues to hold multiple American hostages in Gaza, the White House assured the media President Biden will be gravely concerned about the situation as soon as he hears about it.
Published: Sunday, December 10th, 2023 @ 10:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a stunning and inspiring display of leadership, President Joe Biden spoke with leaders of the terrorist organization Hamas to politely ask if they could maybe think about releasing some of their American hostages, potentially, if it was okay with them.
Published: Sunday, December 10th, 2023 @ 12:45 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Former President Donald Trump released a doctor’s note touting a clean bill of health as President Joe Biden celebrated his 81st birthday on Monday amid concerns about his age and fitness.
Published: Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 @ 1:45 am
By: Daily Wire
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Florida Governor Ron DeSantis called out President Joe Biden’s disastrous economic policies this week that have led to one of the “Big Three” credit agencies lowering the United States’ rating by a tick on Tuesday.
Published: Sunday, December 3rd, 2023 @ 3:19 am
By: Daily Wire
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With the ongoing migrant crisis along the southern border of the United States, President Joe Biden has taken decisive action and announced he is deploying U.S. military personnel to the border to stop the state of Texas from securing the border.
Published: Tuesday, November 28th, 2023 @ 12:36 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As the migrant crisis along the southern U.S. border continued to intensify, a new threat emerged, leading the Biden administration to warn the populace of the presence of a dangerous African immigrant sighted at the border.
Published: Sunday, November 26th, 2023 @ 12:37 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The U.S. credit rating was given a negative outlook by Moody’s Investor Service in part due to the ballooning U.S. debt.
Published: Saturday, November 25th, 2023 @ 5:47 pm
By: Daily Wire
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The White House announced a new directive Tuesday they say will put an end to President Joe Biden's endless pratfalls once and for all: transporting the leader of the free world on an official presidential hand truck.
Published: Thursday, November 23rd, 2023 @ 8:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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