10 Signs You're A Dad | Beaufort County Now | Life comes at you fast. One day you're kicking back with the boys—playing some Super Smash Bros. (Final Destination/No Items/Fox Only)—and then out of nowhere you meet your wife and become a father!

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Life comes at you fast. One day you're kicking back with the boys-playing some Super Smash Bros. (Final Destination/No Items/Fox Only)-and then out of nowhere you meet your wife and become a father! Ever think it might be nice if you could find out if you're a dad before someone starts yelling at you about it?

    Check out these clear identifiers that you are probably a dad:

    1) You're vaguely aware of little people in your house that are probably related to you in some way: They might be kids. Unclear.

    2) You always have a cool pocket knife at the ready in case you need to open any packages that could easily be opened with your hands: Why use hands when knives?

    3) People are complaining that you snore: And you don't believe it.

    4) Your idea of a vacation is sitting in the car alone for 15 minutes or going out to get toilet paper: Better than the Bahamas.

    5) Your jokes absolutely kill: Thousands of deaths.

    6) You own video game systems that you never get to play: And why are the controllers all sticky?

    7) You could swear you got paid last week but there's nothing in your wallet: Possible you were robbed, however.

    8) You say "stop doing that" 117 times a day: Not sure why you're keeping count.

    9) You have absolutely, positively no idea where anything is stored in your house: You have no memory of this place.

    10) You are loved way more than you deserve: And if you didn't before, you probably believe in God.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Democrat President Joe Biden was mocked over the weekend for bragging about flying 70,000 pounds of baby formula from Europe to the U.S. as his administration has faced criticism for the shortage of baby formula across the country.
The US dollar is losing value as a result of burgeoning Biden-flation. Before we all end up homeless, let's take some time to reflect on some things that are more valuable than the money in your bank account. Maybe you can barter for some of these killer items before it's too late!
San Francisco Democrat Mayor London Breed appears to have reversed course on her support for defunding the police, a far-left movement that is well outside the mainstream, and is now calling those same progressive policies “the bulls*** that has destroyed our city.”
On Tuesday night, Val Applewhite won the Democrat primary for North Carolina’s 19th state Senate District with 56.3% of the vote. Incumbent state Sen. Kirk deViere came in second with 36.8% of the vote.
Now that the body of a man shot in the head has been discovered in the receding waters of drought-ravaged Lake Mead in Nevada, two Mafia experts speculate he could be one of three men connected to the Mafia who mysteriously disappeared.
At a donor event this week, President Biden tried his hand at focus group-tested insults, calling Trump the "Great MAGA King" to mixed reviews.
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki faced intense questions on Tuesday over a variety of issues facing the administration as it battles low approval ratings from the American public.
Now that President Biden has attempted to palliate the American public during the gas price crisis by raiding the critical Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR), it has reached the lowest level in 35 years.

HbAD1

Authorities discovered an incapacitated father Thursday night while following up on reports of a possible domestic disturbance.
On Tuesday, President Joe Biden downplayed concerns that many Americans have about his vaccine mandates going too far and encroaching on their individual freedoms.
Christian Castelli has won the Republican primary for North Carolina’s 6th U.S. Congressional District with 36% of the vote.
Ted Budd Increases Lead Over Biden/Beasley in Latest Independent Poll
A new report reveals that the Democrat Party’s internal polling shows them getting blown out in November’s congressional elections.
The husband of one of Democrat President Joe Biden’s cabinet secretaries is a top executive in an artificial intelligence company that is backed by China’s communist government.
After the spectacular crash in the cryptocurrency market this week, Matt Damon and his publicists worked overtime to produce a new commercial to apologize for convincing amateurs to invest in cryptocurrency.
In what is being called an “equal pay” agreement between the U.S. Soccer Federation and the U.S. men’s and women’s national teams, the men’s team will soon begin subsidizing the women’s team’s bonuses with their own international prize money.

HbAD2

 
Back to Top