9 Terrifying Consequences Of Overturning Roe V. Wade | Beaufort County Now | A super spy descended from the ceiling and stole the Supreme Court's majority opinion that would overturn Roe v Wade and leaked it to the press. Dozens of people across the nation are furious because this will "ruin my weekend murder plans!"

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    A super spy descended from the ceiling and stole the Supreme Court's majority opinion that would overturn Roe v Wade and leaked it to the press. Dozens of people across the nation are furious because this will "ruin my weekend murder plans!"

    Here are just a few of the terrifying consequences of Roe being overturned:

    1) You'll carry your child to term and have the miraculous, joyful, and beautiful experience of giving birth while your life is enriched and filled with meaning: UUUGGGHHH!

    2) All women will be issued handmaid's tale outfits and then it will be really hard to find your wife at the mall: Super inconvenient!

    3) Women with life-threatening pregnancy complications will be hunted for sport: And only at exclusive country clubs that don't allow minorities. So backward!

    4) Professional hitmen will only be able to knock off children in certain states: It's hard enough having an illegal job. Hopefully, Congress can step in with a stimulus check.

    5) Planned Parenthood workers will have to find somewhere to stab people in the head on their own time: OJ probably knows a good spot.

    6) Pregnant men will be forced to give birth: Gross!

    7) More minorities will be born: Poor Bill Gates!

    8) Hordes of unwanted babies will roam the streets, terrorizing America's cities and creating a post-apocalyptic hell-scape: They will enslave us all with their cuteness!

    9) Democrats will all simultaneously remember what a 'woman' is: This could set LGBT rights back by days!
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Democrat President Joe Biden was mocked over the weekend for bragging about flying 70,000 pounds of baby formula from Europe to the U.S. as his administration has faced criticism for the shortage of baby formula across the country.
The US dollar is losing value as a result of burgeoning Biden-flation. Before we all end up homeless, let's take some time to reflect on some things that are more valuable than the money in your bank account. Maybe you can barter for some of these killer items before it's too late!
San Francisco Democrat Mayor London Breed appears to have reversed course on her support for defunding the police, a far-left movement that is well outside the mainstream, and is now calling those same progressive policies “the bulls*** that has destroyed our city.”
On Tuesday night, Val Applewhite won the Democrat primary for North Carolina’s 19th state Senate District with 56.3% of the vote. Incumbent state Sen. Kirk deViere came in second with 36.8% of the vote.
Now that the body of a man shot in the head has been discovered in the receding waters of drought-ravaged Lake Mead in Nevada, two Mafia experts speculate he could be one of three men connected to the Mafia who mysteriously disappeared.
At a donor event this week, President Biden tried his hand at focus group-tested insults, calling Trump the "Great MAGA King" to mixed reviews.
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki faced intense questions on Tuesday over a variety of issues facing the administration as it battles low approval ratings from the American public.
Now that President Biden has attempted to palliate the American public during the gas price crisis by raiding the critical Strategic Petroleum Reserve (SPR), it has reached the lowest level in 35 years.

HbAD1

Authorities discovered an incapacitated father Thursday night while following up on reports of a possible domestic disturbance.
On Tuesday, President Joe Biden downplayed concerns that many Americans have about his vaccine mandates going too far and encroaching on their individual freedoms.
Christian Castelli has won the Republican primary for North Carolina’s 6th U.S. Congressional District with 36% of the vote.
Ted Budd Increases Lead Over Biden/Beasley in Latest Independent Poll
A new report reveals that the Democrat Party’s internal polling shows them getting blown out in November’s congressional elections.
The husband of one of Democrat President Joe Biden’s cabinet secretaries is a top executive in an artificial intelligence company that is backed by China’s communist government.
After the spectacular crash in the cryptocurrency market this week, Matt Damon and his publicists worked overtime to produce a new commercial to apologize for convincing amateurs to invest in cryptocurrency.
In what is being called an “equal pay” agreement between the U.S. Soccer Federation and the U.S. men’s and women’s national teams, the men’s team will soon begin subsidizing the women’s team’s bonuses with their own international prize money.

HbAD2

Look out, Florida! Gov Ron DeSantis just signed some super-based executive orders to own the libs! Awwwww yeeeaaaaaah!
The CEOs of two of America’s largest airlines said this week that they do not believe that the Biden administration’s continued mask mandate requiring travelers to wear masks while flying serves much benefit considering the fact that airplanes have advanced filtration systems.
Former Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) spent nearly 20 years in Congress before leaving to become the CEO of former President Donald Trump’s media company, Trump Media and Technology Group, which launched the Truth Social platform earlier this year.
As White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki departs today for a job at MSNBC, several members of the White House Press Corps expressed concern that she may not be intending to circle back to their questions after all.
A few things against the digital learning initiative and the use of technology in the classroom.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top