Doctor Breaks Bad News That Everything You're Experiencing Is Normal, You're Just 40 | Eastern North Carolina Now | Local man John Falco received the tragic news today from his doctor that all the things happening to his body are completely normal, he's simply 40 years old now.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    OMAHA, NE     Local man John Falco received the tragic news today from his doctor that all the things happening to his body are completely normal, he's simply 40 years old now.

    "Absolutely devastating," said Mr. Falco as his wife hugged him tearfully. "I can't believe everyone lives like this. I figured I had like, pneumonia, hepatitis and severe rheumatoid arthritis all at the same time. Turns out this is just getting old."

    Mr. Falco initially made the appointment upon awakening to unimaginable soreness after having gone for a brisk walk the day before. "I got sore from walking. WALKING!" said a distraught Mr. Falco. "Then the next night, I ate a cheeseburger. I'm up HALF THE NIGHT with my chest burning so bad, I still believe the burger was soaked in battery acid. I'm wearing nose strips to breathe, I fell asleep on my kid's floor halfway through Goodnight Moon, this can't be normal!!"

    Despite Mr. Falco's many protests, Dr. Brandon Willliams repeatedly assured that everything he was experiencing was, in fact, normal. "It's a real shocker to the young fellas," said Dr. Williams. "They come in ready for you to prescribe some miracle cure, and all I do is welcome them to this little thing called 'life'. Then, just to mess with them, I tell them they need a stat colonoscopy and pull out my old camcorder taped onto a broomstick. Ha! What a classic."

    At publishing time, Mr. Falco had finally accepted his status as an old man and taken up pickle ball.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




The embarrassing rush to self-serve down at the Republican headquarters Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Experts Believe Russia Low On Soldiers After Putin Spotted Trying To Teach A Polar Bear How To Drive A Tank


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Twitter CEO Elon Musk released information through journalist Matt Taibbi Friday afternoon showing that Twitter was working in conjunction with then-Democrat presidential candidate Joe Biden’s team, removing tweets that team Biden wanted deleted.
As a youth growing up in a United States of America that understood the pain of sacrifice, the remembrance of Pearl Harbor was an annual event.
How a coastal North Carolina city became the site of America’s only coup d’etat
Democrats have voted to put South Carolina first in the Democratic primary schedule and move Georgia and Michigan up to be included in the early voting states, according to reporting from the Associated Press.
A coalition of charter-school advocacy organizations has filed a lawsuit in federal court seeking to block new restrictions on charter schools imposed by the Biden administration
Former Secretary of State and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticized recent pro-life wins, comparing actions that protect unborn life to those in countries around the world where women’s rights have historically been severely restricted.
Former President Donald Trump is asking a federal judge to force the Department of Justice (DOJ) to turn over an unredacted copy of the FBI affidavit used to justify a raid on Trump’s Florida residence.

HbAD1

After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.
Teenagers’ brains were physically altered and aged at an accelerated rate during the COVID lockdowns, according to a Stanford University study published Thursday.
An interpreter for the Broadway show “The Lion King” is suing over his termination, claiming that he was fired because of his skin color.
Representative Ilhan Omar arrived at the Capitol today proudly decked out head-to-toe in brand new "Yeezy" gear.
A California law suggests that not-for-credit courses may be on their last legs.
While methamphetamine has been a problem in the United States for a long time, there is a rising concern about fentanyl use and fatal overdoses. However, the two drugs combined are adding another layer to the crisis.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk said Friday afternoon that he will release more information about how the platform censored the New York Post’s bombshell report about Hunter Biden’s laptop just weeks before the 2020 presidential election.
Local man Garrett Benton has officially spent half of his annual salary paying other people to do the manly things he wishes he could do himself.

HbAD2

There’s a straightforward solution that the Biden administration could enact in order to alleviate the nation’s ongoing energy crisis.
Americans are now saving the smallest portion of their earnings in nearly two decades, according to data released on Thursday by the Bureau of Economic Analysis.
It's important for Christians to live a life of charity, but it's, like, really hard. Wouldn't it be great if you could support the poor without putting any effort or self-sacrifice into it? Now there are ten ways!
Twitter users fact-checked a White House post about the Biden administration’s purportedly hawkish fiscal behavior.
Thursday night, former President Barack Obama made a dig at Georgia’s GOP Senate candidate Herschel Walker by comparing him to an all-too-familiar “Uncle Joe” who says “crazy stuff” and is given no “serious responsibilities.”
According to a new study by conservative campus watchdog The College Fix, 95% of donations made by professors at North Carolina’s 10 largest universities, both public and private, went to Democrats.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk signaled Monday that he might be preparing to “go to war” with Apple after the company has largely stopped advertising on Twitter and has reportedly threatened to boot the social media platform from its App Store.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top