Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.
HOLLYWOOD, FL Emerging from deep within the lower levels of a high-security Hollywood laboratory, Hallmark researchers have surfaced to announce they are finally nearing the development of a second movie plot.
This second movie plot is reported to be vastly different from the original plot which has been utilized in 1,437 Hallmark movies.
"After years of sweat, tears, and no small number of lives lost, we are proud to say we are very, very close to developing a second movie plot,"
said Hallmark's Director of Movie Plot Research, Dr. Professor Herbster Blongweiss to a crowd of middle-aged women wearing sensible sweaters and hairdos from ten years ago. "Once perfected, this second plot will have viewers literally falling in love while holding their hot cocoas and bulk-size bags of cheese puffs."
The research team has granted The Babylon Bee exclusive access to a script utilizing their second movie plot, with the caveat that the plot still has a few kinks to iron out:
(The scene opens on a snowy town square, with holiday decorations and a large Christmas tree in the center. Emily and Jack are walking through the square, bundled up in warm jackets and hats.)
Emily: Can you believe it's already Christmas Eve? It feels like just yesterday we were enjoying hot cocoa by the fireplace.
Jack: (smiling) Time flies, especially around the holidays. I love this time of year, though. Everything is so festive and bright.
Emily: Me too. And I love all the holiday traditions. Do you have any special traditions you follow every year?
Jack: (hesitating) Not really. My family always used to go ice skating on Christmas Eve, but we stopped doing it after my mom passed away.
Emily: (sympathetic) I'm so sorry, Jack. That must have been really hard for you.
Jack: It was. But my mom always loved the holidays, so I try to focus on that and keep her memory alive by carrying on some of our old traditions.
Emily: (smiling) That's a beautiful way to honor her. My family always decorates the tree together on Christmas Eve and then we spend the whole day cooking and baking. It's our way of celebrating the season and being together as a family.
Jack: (nodding) That sounds wonderful. I wish I had something like that to look forward to.
Emily: (leaning in) Well, you're always welcome to join us if you'd like. We have plenty of cookies to go around.
Jack: (smiling) Thank you, Emily. That means a lot to me. I think I'll take you up on that offer.
(Suddenly, Jack's skin starts to shimmer and turn blue. Emily gasps in surprise.)
Emily: Jack, what's happening to you?
Jack: (sighing) I think I'm turning into a sea creature.
Emily: (shocked) A sea creature? How is that possible?
Jack: (shrugging) I don't know. But I've been feeling a strange connection to the ocean lately. And now, it seems like it's taking over.
Emily: (tearfully) Jack, I don't want to lose you. You're my best friend.
Jack: (reassuringly) It's okay, Em. I'll always be with you, no matter what form I take. And I'll always love you.
(They hug each other tightly as the camera pans out to the ocean, where a mermaid's tail can be seen splashing in the waves.)
At publishing time, millions of Hallmark movie fans had responded to news of a second movie plot with a unanimous, "Why?"