To Maintain Historical Accuracy, No One At Renaissance Faire Wearing Deodorant | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SOUTH JORDAN, UT     Attendees at this weekend's popular Renaissance Faire kept with the spirit of the event by not wearing deodorant or taking a shower before donning heavy tunics and cloaks in the 90-plus degree weather.

    "HERE YE HERE YE!" Marus T. Whetherford, Renaissance Faire Town Cryer and local GameStop employee bellowed at guests entering the fair. "In keeping with a decree from the King himself, all citizens caught using underarm witchcraft to cloak their scents will be forthrightly expelled from the premises!"

    In a long parchment scroll hung by the ticket booth, guests were informed deodorant and antiperspirants were an anachronistic affront to the spirit of the event and all who wished to enter the fairgrounds would need to have at least a 4-day stank on them.

    "I said '4 days without a shower?' Try 2 weeks," Marvin Farnsworth, neck-beard aficionado, told reporters. "I mean, I play D&D with a league that forbids showering more than once a month to maintain authenticity, and I definitely do NOT wear deodorant. I'd be kicked out of my Warhammer guild for such an offense."

    The event was well-attended and the collective scent from the hundreds of ungroomed attendees could be detected for miles around. To further encourage authenticity, guests were asked to bring in only claymores and broadswords with freshly sharpened edges to be used at the ready when challenged by a passing foe.