Dad Sadly Informs Kids A Robber Broke In Last Night And Only Stole Their Reese's Cups | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ROCKFORD, IL     After tragedy struck a local family last night, local dad Jordan Duckworth bore the unenviable task of notifying his children that a burglar had broken into their home and stolen all of the Reese's peanut butter cups they had received while trick-or-treating.

    "I'm sorry, kids. Our house was robbed last night," Mr. Duckworth said sadly after gathering his kids in the kitchen this morning. "Fortunately, the thief didn't take your mother's jewelry, our television, or the bar of pure gold we keep on the coffee table for some reason. Kids, I'm afraid he only took...your Reese's peanut butter cups."

    The Duckworth children bowed their heads in sorrow. "Did...did he take all of them?" asked the youngest, Jack. "Yes, son, I'm afraid he did," Mr. Duckworth replied. "He probably started with just one or two, but he couldn't stop himself, and before he realized it, he had stolen all of them. The important thing is that we're all safe and no one was hurt...right? Right??"

    "I guess so," said daughter Elsie. "It's kind of weird that he only took the Reese's peanut butter cups, though, isn't it? I mean, he didn't take anything valuable and he even left the full-size Mr. Goodbar we got last night. He must not like them - just like you, Dad."

    "Yes, sweetheart," Mr. Duckworth said. "Life is full of odd little coincidences. Now, eat this KitKat and let's just forget all about this sad episode."

    At publishing time, Mr. Duckworth had declined to comment on why his pillowcase was covered in chocolate.