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“It's always cool to be able to play in front of a sitting president."
Published: Monday, February 17th, 2025 @ 10:00 am
By: Daily Wire
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reported on talk radio
Published: Wednesday, August 7th, 2024 @ 4:13 pm
By: John Steed
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In testimony before the United States Congress, Ivy League presidents showed off nice new mustaches while explaining to House members that not all calls for mass murder are wrong.
Published: Thursday, February 15th, 2024 @ 10:11 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Within the first couple hours of the Sunday release of a Senate bill coupling border security reforms with aid for U.S. allies, such as Ukraine and Israel, critics quickly began to highlight the words of one of the legislation’s architects as a reason to reject the 370-page measure
Published: Tuesday, February 13th, 2024 @ 8:48 am
By: Daily Wire
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Being an FBI agent is a sweet gig — excitement, carrying a badge and gun, wearing one of those cool "FBI" windbreakers, spying on law-abiding citizens, and cracking down on dangerous terrorists like Auntie Mable who voted for Trump. But how does one become an FBI agent?
Published: Tuesday, January 9th, 2024 @ 1:04 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In an attempt to shore up his abysmal approval ratings and poll numbers before the 2024 campaign season begins in earnest, President Joe Biden has unveiled a revamped approach to seeking re-election
Published: Tuesday, December 5th, 2023 @ 6:04 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A local progressive couple sought to solve their teenage child's outburst of rebellion against their authority by grounding the teen from using any cool new pronouns for a full month.
Published: Saturday, November 25th, 2023 @ 1:52 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After you get married, it's common for the flame of love to cool, with each spouse eventually reaching the point of using the toilet with the bathroom door open, wearing nothing but sweatpants around the house, and finding deep-seated flaws in the way each other breathes.
Published: Friday, November 24th, 2023 @ 1:45 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After an embarrassing incident in which the Canadian government honored a Nazi SS veteran in parliament, Canada's dictator Justin Trudeau attempted to distract from the controversy by unveiling some cool new facial hair.
Published: Friday, November 24th, 2023 @ 12:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In response to criticism that he should have fired Dr. Anthony Fauci at the start of the pandemic, former president Donald Trump says he would have done the deed if only he'd had some sort of recognizable catchphrase to get the job done.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 8:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Republican presidential candidate Ron DeSantis was seen last night waving around a joint in front of local police officers in a desperate attempt to get arrested and have a cool mugshot just like Trump.
Published: Tuesday, October 31st, 2023 @ 4:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Sources in the Fulton County Sheriff's Office today confirmed that former president Donald Trump paid the extra $12 required to get the cool laser background on his mugshot.
Published: Saturday, October 28th, 2023 @ 7:07 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As he prepared to face indictment on federal charges related to possession of classified documents, former President Donald Trump revealed his disappointment that he was only a few boxes of top secret documents away from building a really cool fort.
Published: Saturday, July 22nd, 2023 @ 12:15 am
By: Babylon Bee
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overall, summer of 2023 is actually cooler than usual
Published: Friday, July 21st, 2023 @ 3:02 pm
By: John Steed
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Pfizer sponsored an organization encouraging child sex changes while profiting from puberty-blocking drugs and cross-sex hormone therapy, a document reviewed by The Daily Wire reveals.
Published: Wednesday, July 19th, 2023 @ 7:16 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Being cool is a state of mind, but you also need to know what you're doing so you don't end up looking like a total dork. Take smoking a cigar for example. If done correctly, you're the coolest guy in the room, but if you don't pull it off, everyone will think you're a loser.
Published: Tuesday, July 18th, 2023 @ 9:35 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Seba, son of Cush, became frustrated following an event dubbed by scribes as the "confusion of languages" after realizing he missed out on the sweet British accent some of the other people got.
Published: Thursday, July 13th, 2023 @ 1:03 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Biden sought to calm fears over his health following a nasty spill on stage last week in an address to the nation, which he delivered while wearing a blue padded helmet.
Published: Saturday, July 8th, 2023 @ 8:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In an address to the nation, El Presidente Biden showed off his cool new uniform covered with flashy medals and assured the nation that the U.S. is not a banana republic.
Published: Tuesday, June 13th, 2023 @ 11:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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threatens cooling system of Europe's largest nuclear power plant
Published: Thursday, June 8th, 2023 @ 12:42 pm
By: John Steed
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An adult male is reportedly still using the phrase "cool beans" despite the current year being 2023, sources say. Dallas Woodrow, an Arizona native, shocked co-workers at Desert Burro Ltd. when he used the term to acknowledge a job well done.
Published: Sunday, June 4th, 2023 @ 11:39 am
By: Babylon Bee
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District Attorney Alvin Bragg unsealed new charges today, now alleging that former President Donald Trump tossed Baby Penguin off of Cool, Cool Mountain.
Published: Wednesday, May 10th, 2023 @ 7:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Flying aboard Air Force One is pretty cool. I did it hundreds of times.
Published: Monday, May 1st, 2023 @ 4:12 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Look, we get it. A lot of things that happened in the past are not at all cool today.
Published: Wednesday, April 26th, 2023 @ 9:18 am
By: Daily Wire
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Young people won’t know it, but there was a day — not too long ago, at least for me — when you just didn’t miss “60 Minutes.” On Monday morning, at the water cooler (I said I was old!), everyone was talking about the latest installment.
Published: Tuesday, April 25th, 2023 @ 9:46 am
By: Daily Wire
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A married couple was seen wandering the mall Monday, when the owner of one cool knife stopped to take a gander at more cool knives on display in the window of the Stabology storefront. The owner of 73 purses then asked her companion why he needed more than one cool knife.
Published: Sunday, April 16th, 2023 @ 3:10 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Conservatives justices on the U.S. Supreme Court took aim at President Joe Biden’s plan for canceling some $400 billion in student loans and sticking taxpayers with the bill, implying Congressional approval may be required.
Published: Friday, March 10th, 2023 @ 1:12 am
By: Daily Wire
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Consumer spending fell 0.2 percent in December, making this the second consecutive month of decline. Covid savings are drying up and high interest rates appear to be cooling the economy.
Published: Tuesday, February 14th, 2023 @ 3:50 am
By: John Locke Foundation
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In his dying hour, with only minutes to live, local lad Tyre Nichols managed to lead his state-sponsored executioners into the video L shaped ambush that stunned the world with images of a 21st century government lynching.
Published: Tuesday, February 7th, 2023 @ 1:49 am
By: The Correspondent
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Theologians from seminaries across the country have united in agreement that holy Scripture is 72% more powerful if read in an awesome foreign accent.
Published: Wednesday, January 18th, 2023 @ 2:02 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a not-so-well-known miracle, Jesus the Son of God has done the impossible and healed a totally lame man by giving him a sick wardrobe makeover, curing him instantly.
Published: Sunday, January 15th, 2023 @ 12:38 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After finally tallying the votes from Maricopa County, Arizona has announced that Calvin Coolidge has narrowly defeated John Davis for its three electoral votes.
Published: Sunday, December 25th, 2022 @ 4:17 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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I love being in the presence of smart, articulate and visionary folks, even on a rainy, unseasonably cool mid-November evening.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 4:17 am
By: Tom Campbell
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White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre lost her cool against a conservative reporter after she pressed Dr. Anthony Fauci on his approach to COVID.
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 10:38 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Altimeter Capital Management pressed Meta CEO Mark Zuckerburg to reform the company’s hiring practices and focus on core competencies in a Monday investor letter.
Published: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 @ 10:25 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Not since the Kosovo Liberation Army stormed the gates of Prishtina, has the world witnessed such a stunning triumph as resulted Tuesday evening in the BOCO school board Battle of Annihilation.
Published: Sunday, November 13th, 2022 @ 8:53 am
By: The Correspondent
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Rental costs are continuing to rise across the United States, with some large cities posting decreases in median one-bedroom rent.
Published: Friday, October 28th, 2022 @ 3:41 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Cool breeze, hot start to Pirate Entrepreneurship Challenge
Published: Monday, October 24th, 2022 @ 8:24 pm
By: ECU News Services
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According to sources, local husband Brad Sanders has completely emptied the dishwasher without any prompting from his wife in hopes that she'll be cool with him watching 19 hours of football this weekend.
Published: Sunday, October 2nd, 2022 @ 2:28 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Newly demoted CNN employee Don Lemon says his new role as CNN's Third Shift Janitor should not be viewed as a demotion because he "gets a really cool key that gives him special access to every room in the building."
Published: Wednesday, September 28th, 2022 @ 9:46 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to scientists, images from the SPECULOOS (‘Search for habitable Planets EClipsing ULtra-cOOl Stars) telescopes, located in Chile and the island of Tenerife, have indicated that a distant planet may harbor the necessary conditions for life.
Published: Friday, September 23rd, 2022 @ 1:02 am
By: Daily Wire
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