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After a decade of identity politics and creative chaos, Dave Filoni takes the helm to salvage a fractured galaxy.
Published: Thursday, January 29th, 2026 @ 1:13 am
By: Daily Wire
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"No more repurposed D.C. gossip columns. No more Associated Press reprints."
Published: Friday, January 23rd, 2026 @ 6:43 am
By: Daily Wire
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Disney executives announced an upcoming installment in the popular Star Wars franchise that will feature a female Jedi who mysteriously turns to the Dark Side at the same time every month.
Published: Thursday, April 4th, 2024 @ 6:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In recent days, our world has faced profound violence, stark division, palpable fear, and raw hatred as the war between Hamas and Israel enters its second week.
Published: Thursday, February 29th, 2024 @ 1:27 pm
By: John Locke Foundation
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In what the United States Government hopes will be the start of a long and fruitful partnership, The Walt Disney Company has been awarded a lucrative Department of Defense contract after overtaking Lockheed Martin in the production of bombs.
Published: Sunday, February 4th, 2024 @ 9:53 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Some of the biggest stars in television were honored at the 75th Primetime Emmy Awards Monday night. The show was delayed from September, which was too close to the end of the actors and writers strikes from the summer and early fall.
Published: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024 @ 10:24 pm
By: Daily Wire
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After years of training to be a pilot for the Rebel Alliance, eager young pilot Nej Berik was devastated to discover he had been assigned to fly the totally lame B-wing fighter.
Published: Thursday, January 18th, 2024 @ 6:29 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Daily Wire's upcoming film adaptation of Snow White will reportedly star conservative personality Ben Shapiro as all seven dwarves.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 8:45 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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With the Israeli military continuing its strikes in Gaza, terrorist organization Hamas released a statement clarifying that it intended to start a war in which its members are the only ones allowed to attack and kill anyone, and the other side can't fight back in any way.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 1:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Ukraine boss Volodimir Zelensky is reportedly irate at the lack of international support he's received in his extended battle with Russia, including a recent snub by major certified butthead Elon Musk who has refused to help start a nuclear war.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 3:13 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly recruited the recently retired athlete to train its stormtroopers to shoot.
Published: Friday, October 6th, 2023 @ 10:38 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Ladies, we know you want us. Who wouldn't? Every woman wants a guy who spends all his time talking about Tolkien and Star Wars and playing Zelda, but how can you attract one? It's an age-old question, but thankfully, there are very simple answers.
Published: Tuesday, September 26th, 2023 @ 11:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Emperor Palpatine was said to be very pleased with the latest ballistics report on stormtrooper marksmanship, as the Imperial Army's collective accuracy percentage improved dramatically after adding pistol braces to all blasters.
Published: Friday, September 8th, 2023 @ 8:46 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Galactic Empire announced new merchandise today, with the Emperor releasing a special hat saying "But his Death Star".
Published: Thursday, July 27th, 2023 @ 10:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local gangster Jabba the Hutt has threatened legal action against United Airlines, accusing the company of discrimination after he was charged for multiple seats on a flight. Hutt alleges he is being treated differently because of his weight.
Published: Thursday, July 27th, 2023 @ 1:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Hollywood great Al Pacino opened up about the movie role he said he regrets not doing as he jokingly took a dig at Harrison Ford — who he said has never thanked him for landing the part in “Star Wars” that would launch his career.
Published: Sunday, June 11th, 2023 @ 10:54 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Appearing before the Senate beneath a mysterious, hooded robe, California Senator Diane Feinstein addressed the hushed audience, speaking in a gravelly, Sidious-like voice.
Published: Friday, June 9th, 2023 @ 12:20 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Disney World announced it is shutting down an immersive Star Wars luxury hotel that opened in March 2022.
Published: Monday, June 5th, 2023 @ 7:26 am
By: Daily Wire
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A local father determined the time had come to sit his young son down and officially have "The Talk"...about the Star Wars sequel trilogy. The man reportedly knew he couldn't avoid it any longer once the boy began to talk about how great The Last Jedi was.
Published: Sunday, June 4th, 2023 @ 4:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a massive technological breakthrough, the Galactic Empire has at last developed a door that doesn't simply open when you shoot the control panel with a blaster.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 7:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a bid to draw large corporate interests to conduct business in South Carolina and bring tens of thousands of jobs to the state, former governor and U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley has informed Emperor Palpatine that South Carolina is the ideal location to build a new Death Star.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 10:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz asserted during a Senate hearing Wednesday that American cities have worrisome crime and homelessness problems which have impaired the company’s operations.
Published: Sunday, April 16th, 2023 @ 6:31 pm
By: Daily Wire
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The effects of a struggling U.S. economy are starting to be felt in unexpected places, as heavy layoffs at Disney have now left Snow White with only three dwarfs in her entourage.
Published: Tuesday, April 11th, 2023 @ 7:02 am
By: Babylon Bee
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It would appear the end of the world has been postponed long enough for former child environmental star Greta Thunberg to be awarded an honorary doctorate from the University of Helsinki.
Published: Tuesday, April 4th, 2023 @ 3:06 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Joshua Bassett, star of “High School Musical: The Musical: The Series,” firmly declared his Christian faith while giving a speech at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards Saturday.
Published: Tuesday, March 14th, 2023 @ 6:27 pm
By: Daily Wire
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According to sources, President Biden's team is planning to submerge the President in a bacta tank tonight so his mind and body will be prepared for his upcoming State of the Union address.
Published: Saturday, February 11th, 2023 @ 2:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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U.S. Representative Michael McCaul (R-TX) said Sunday the odds of a conflict with China by 2025 “are very high” after a four-star Air Force General warned officers that he sees a war on the horizon over Taiwan.
Published: Wednesday, February 8th, 2023 @ 4:01 am
By: Daily Wire
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Four-star Air Force General Mike Minihan sent a memo on Friday, warning the officers he commands that he sees war on the horizon — with China — in less than two years.
Published: Tuesday, February 7th, 2023 @ 7:53 am
By: Daily Wire
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Jedi Master Yoda, living in self-imposed exile, proudly announced to his first visitor in decades that his pronouns are Him/He.
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 3:13 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The conflict among congressional Republicans took yet another surprise twist today. After what had initially started as a throwaway nomination, the nation was left stunned as the position of Speaker of the House was unexpectedly filled by Jar Jar Binks.
Published: Sunday, January 8th, 2023 @ 10:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The new year started off optimistically for local resolution enthusiast, Carson Blenvy, who dove right into his resolve to lose 30 pounds of fat by taking a before photo to help document his future progress toward a sleek, muscular body.
Published: Sunday, January 8th, 2023 @ 4:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Amazon founder Jeff Bezos warned on Tuesday that the economy is headed for choppy waters.
Published: Monday, November 14th, 2022 @ 9:45 pm
By: Daily Wire
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SpaceX founder and CEO Elon Musk reversed course Saturday on continuing to provide Ukraine with free Starlink satellite services in their war against invading Russian forces.
Published: Friday, October 21st, 2022 @ 8:59 am
By: Daily Wire
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Following the destruction caused by Hurricane Ian, Governor Ron DeSantis has issued a stark warning against all would-be looters hoping to pillage the vulnerable state.
Published: Monday, October 10th, 2022 @ 2:05 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local Star Wars fan was excitedly awaiting the premiere of the new Andor series on Disney+ so that he will have fresh material about which he can spend the next several weeks complaining to anyone who dares to come near him.
Published: Wednesday, September 28th, 2022 @ 9:18 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A sheriff in Idaho issued a grave warning to community members across the country about the dangers of rainbow fentanyl.
Published: Tuesday, September 27th, 2022 @ 10:23 am
By: Daily Wire
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Americans began to worry as the White House hosted a star-studded party with the theme, "We Are Not Currently Being Nuked By China." Guests included the Property Brothers, television actor Elizabeth Warren and the corpse of James Taylor.
Published: Monday, September 26th, 2022 @ 1:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After another controversial video was released showing the dark Jedi Force-choking a suspected Jedi Monday afternoon, Dark Lord of the Sith Supreme Darth Vader has been jailed on suspicion of excessive use of the Force.
Published: Saturday, September 24th, 2022 @ 9:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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NEWARK, NJ — Critically acclaimed, larger-than-life star Lizzo, recently accepted her music video award at MTV's VMAs. While doing so, the artist took the time to speak out about the systemic oppression of having to walk all the way down to this stage to accept an award she can't even eat.
Published: Monday, September 5th, 2022 @ 7:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Superstar Russell Brand warned about Amazon‘s new palm payment convenience system the company launched in California and Texas and said it’s one step closer to giving away our freedom.
Published: Monday, September 5th, 2022 @ 12:33 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Four-star General John E. Hyten, the outgoing Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, warned this week that communist China’s military progression is “stunning” and that the U.S. must take immediate action to remain the world’s preeminent superpower.
Published: Sunday, August 21st, 2022 @ 11:05 am
By: Daily Wire
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