9 Beauty Tips For Making Yourself Totally Irresistible To Men | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Ladies, we know you want us. Who wouldn't? Every woman wants a guy who spends all his time talking about Tolkien and Star Wars and playing Zelda, but how can you attract one? It's an age-old question, but thankfully, there are very simple answers.

    Come along as The Babylon Bee presents a crash course on the timeless art of beauty and seduction.

1. Be a woman: We can't stress this one enough.
2. Bacon-scented body lotion: Making yourself smell like a slab of fried pig meat will make you irresistible to any real man.
3. Do your hair like Princess Leia: This works best when paired with the slave outfit from Jabba the Hutt's palace.
4. Get Botox and lip fillers: Just kidding - that's the worst idea ever.
5. Shave your real eyebrows off and paint fake ones on instead: We don't know why, but people do it.
6. Swap out your shampoo with BBQ sauce: Your hair might be a little sticky, but it'll do the trick. Trust us.
7. Part your hair on the side - NO WAIT, everyone's doing a middle part now - NO WAIT, no part at all, with bangs. NO WAIT - NO BANGS! AAAHHHHHHH!: Just put it in a ponytail. It's probably fine.
8. Use an entire suitcase full of makeup every day, but make it look like you're not wearing any: Celebrities do it, so it must be pretty easy.
9. Bathe: A revolutionary new study shows men are more likely to spend time with a woman who is clean.

    That's it! If you follow those simple, easy steps, you'll have a guy in your life explaining the plot of Dune and asking you to make him sandwiches in no time!