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As the nation paused to remember the devastating attacks that took place on September 11, 2001, Vice President Kamala Harris arrived at the former site of the World Trade Center towers to mark the occasion by giving a speech about the Capitol riots on January 6, 2021.
Published: Tuesday, November 14th, 2023 @ 1:14 am
By: Babylon Bee
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ALBUQUERQUE, NM — Democrats accidentally let their master plan to utterly destroy the United States Constitution slip out into public slightly ahead of schedule.
Published: Tuesday, November 14th, 2023 @ 12:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A wave of various illnesses swept through a local family this week after a mother took her youngest child to the doctor's office for a wellness check and brought home 12 new diseases.
Published: Tuesday, November 14th, 2023 @ 12:09 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As tennis champion Coco Gauff knelt on the court with her eyes closed and hands folded, puzzled ESPN commentators were left to wildly speculate as to what Ms. Gauff could possibly be doing.
Published: Monday, November 13th, 2023 @ 11:11 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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So-called conservative man Ross Jennings was caught hiding in the closet this morning eating avocado toast.
Published: Monday, November 13th, 2023 @ 2:11 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Becoming a parent obviously changes your life drastically -- but not always quite like people expect! Allow the moms and dads of the Babylon Bee to peel back the curtain on the expectations versus reality of what it's actually like to be a parent:
Published: Monday, November 13th, 2023 @ 1:55 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Shortly after watching the third GOP primary debate, California governor and dictator aficionado Gavin Newsom immediately called for a ban on high-capacity assault high heels from his remote office in The French Laundry.
Published: Monday, November 13th, 2023 @ 8:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After reports surfaced that employees at The Tonight Show were occasionally criticized by boss Jimmy Fallon, millions of Americans have come forward saying that they too have experienced a boss being occasionally unhappy.
Published: Monday, November 13th, 2023 @ 8:00 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Criminals across New Mexico were ecstatic to hear from Governor Grisham today that no one in the state would be armed for an entire month.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 11:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man John Bellville announced to his wife he was going to lay down and read a book, guaranteeing he would soon be unconscious.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 9:11 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In response to criticism that he should have fired Dr. Anthony Fauci at the start of the pandemic, former president Donald Trump says he would have done the deed if only he'd had some sort of recognizable catchphrase to get the job done.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 8:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Local liberal Jonald Duncan reportedly learned the hard way that actual virtue is way harder than virtue signaling. At least 3.4 times harder, experts say.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 6:45 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In an effort to draw more fans to baseball, the MLB has done its best to make the sport less like baseball.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 5:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a last-ditch effort to stop Californians from moving in and ruining their state, Texans have resorted to putting up billboards in California telling everyone how terrible Texas is and how they probably should just stay in California.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 8:53 am
By: Babylon Bee
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CAMBRIDGE, MA — As institutions for higher education search for new ways to expand the skills and knowledge offered to students, Harvard University has announced its new instructor, former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot, will be teaching a class
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 4:10 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Following a much-publicized incident this week in which a flight had to turn back due to a passenger suffering from intestinal issues that created a biohazard, Delta Airlines has announced that all planes will be outfitted with an "explosive diarrhea' warning light.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 3:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local toddler Max Hansen worked tirelessly throughout the afternoon Thursday to empty every single item out of every single drawer and cupboard so his tired, overworked mom didn't have to.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 8:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After authorizing $100 million dollars for humanitarian aid in Gaza, President Biden assured Israel and other allies that he has received a pinky promise from Hamas that they won't use the money for terrorism.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 6:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a surprise announcement, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi confirmed she will be seeking reelection for yet another 2-year term of lucrative insider trading.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 6:30 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Ukraine boss Volodimir Zelensky is reportedly irate at the lack of international support he's received in his extended battle with Russia, including a recent snub by major certified butthead Elon Musk who has refused to help start a nuclear war.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 3:13 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Joining the groups of outspoken activists who attach themselves to prominent works of art, Pope Francis has glued himself to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel to protest climate change.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 2:57 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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It's that time again, wives of sportsball fans! It's time for your husbands to break out their football jerseys and for you to constantly ask them millions of important questions while the game is on.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 2:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Shoppers observed a woman frantically buying up all pumpkin-shaped kitchen items at a local Home Goods store this week after falling for the oldest "You Have This But It's Not Shaped Like An Adorable Fall Pumpkin" marketing trick in the book.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 1:24 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a major breakthrough in the ongoing war with Russia, Ukraine has developed a new weapon powered by one of its most abundant renewable resources — American dollars.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 12:41 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Americans are beginning to suspect President Obama might be gay after being spotted driving about town in a new Ford Raptor while drinking a Bud Light.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 9:41 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot has begun lecturing Harvard University students on the importance of catching "raw, wriggly, delicious fishes so tasty sweet, yes good precious" amid sharp political divisions, and rising misinformation.
Published: Friday, November 10th, 2023 @ 5:28 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a story that seems to add heartbreak to heartbreak, a local Christian's prayer request has gone unanswered as it had been posted on Threads.
Published: Friday, November 10th, 2023 @ 9:37 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Liberty safe owners attempting to retrieve their guns today were surprised to discover that the dials on the safe now only turn to the left.
Published: Friday, November 10th, 2023 @ 12:37 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Bud Light welcomed newly minted $100 million investor Bill Gates today with a special, limited-edition can featuring his old friend Jeffrey Epstein.
Published: Thursday, November 9th, 2023 @ 11:15 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a country-wide broadcast this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau denied ever forcing COVID-19 vaccinations on Canadian citizens and also reminded the general public that Canada has always been at war with Eurasia.
Published: Thursday, November 9th, 2023 @ 1:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Feeling a little down? Think you've really screwed the pooch this time? Come with the Babylon Bee as we crack open the Scriptures and check out some Bible heroes who have done way, way stupider stuff than you!
Published: Thursday, November 9th, 2023 @ 7:59 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Department of Justice has sentenced several key leaders of the Proud Boys to prison time after convicting them of inciting deadly riots for the wrong side.
Published: Thursday, November 9th, 2023 @ 12:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Airline passenger Lyle Finch defied the odds Thursday when he stood up faster than anyone else on American Airlines flight 2211 after it had come to a complete stop. Finch was subsequently awarded the gold medal to honor his incredible speed and initiative.
Published: Wednesday, November 8th, 2023 @ 11:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a meaningful moment that was years in the making, the bronze statue of Robert E. Lee that once stood in Charlottesville gave one final, solemn thumbs-up as it was melted down in a blazing furnace.
Published: Wednesday, November 8th, 2023 @ 5:43 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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