|
Local parents Dave and Stacey Martin, who raised their daughter on Disney movies that glamorized rebelling against parents, are flabbergasted to see their teenage daughter now rebelling against her parents.
Published: Saturday, June 3rd, 2023 @ 7:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
Guy Weaving Through Traffic Awarded 1st Place Trophy For Getting To Off-Ramp 15 Seconds Ahead Of YouHistory was made today as the guy weaving in and out of traffic ahead of you on the freeway was awarded an impressive 1st place trophy after he arrived at the offramp a full 15 seconds before all the other cars he impatiently swerved around.
Published: Saturday, June 3rd, 2023 @ 12:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
According to anonymous sources, the trans activist manifesto of the Nashville mass shooter has been put in a top-secret crate in a top-secret warehouse for safekeeping, right next to the motive for the Vegas shooting, the Epstein client list, and the Ark of the Covenant.
Published: Saturday, June 3rd, 2023 @ 12:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Lawmakers in New York have taken action to ban the use of gas stoves in residential buildings after newly discovered footage revealed a gas stove participating in the January 6, 2021 U.S. Capitol Building riot.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 11:49 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
After an attempted drone strike assassination on the Kremlin this week, Russian President Vladimir Putin vowed swift retaliatory action, beginning with a targeted misgendering of U.S. Admiral Rachel Levine.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 5:50 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Amid a mounting surge of illegal immigration, the Biden Administration is sending 1,500 National Guard troops to the border to help them register to vote.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 5:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Alright, SIMPS! These days, it's getting harder and harder to find any real men. Not guys who are "in touch with their feelings" or "enjoy a good pair of barefoot wingtip shoes" — we're talking real-deal, manly men.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 3:55 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
It's hard to remember life before COVID-19 vaccine side effects. Now, they're as much a part of American life as Mom, baseball, apple pie, and government agencies spying on us through our electronic devices.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 2:53 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
According to sources, the extremely beautiful and perfect Congresswoman AOC has still failed to notice a group of handsome and talented satire writers, even though they are really funny and have written dozens of hilarious headlines about her just to make her laugh.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 11:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Despite stern warnings of artificial intelligence attacking humanity's digital infrastructure from the likes of Elon Musk and Bill Gates, artificial intelligence research has yet to be regulated by the government or other entities with oversight power.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 8:11 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Amid news that Vice Media is filing for bankruptcy, there is growing concern at the White House that the Biden administration will now have to begin lying to the American people directly rather than doing so more discreetly through Vice Media.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 1:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
The White House is claiming that illegal immigration is now down over 90% thanks to them redefining what illegal immigration is.
Published: Friday, June 2nd, 2023 @ 1:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
An inexplicably-unforeseen outcome has begun to take form since Hollywood writers began their writer's strike to demand more writerly benefits for writers.
Published: Thursday, June 1st, 2023 @ 8:19 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
A windowless van was seen lurking outside New York City elementary schools Monday. Witnesses claim the driver handed out obscene pornographic material to minors and lectured them on LGBTQ representation in literature.
Published: Thursday, June 1st, 2023 @ 9:50 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Studio executives at Disney have been left dumbfounded by the enormous success of Universal's The Super Mario Bros. Movie, which has inexplicably made over $1 billion dollars worldwide despite not featuring any trans goombas anywhere in the film.
Published: Thursday, June 1st, 2023 @ 1:29 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Despite his success in interpreting previous dreams regarding an upcoming famine in the land, sources say Joseph is unsure about what to tell Pharaoh about his dream where he's standing in front of everyone in his underwear and they're laughing at him.
Published: Thursday, June 1st, 2023 @ 1:08 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Montana trans lawmaker Zooey Zephyr, formerly known as Zachary Raasch, feels strongly that he has nailed his audition as Bud Light's next spokesperson after leading loud demonstrations in the Montana State Capitol last week.
Published: Wednesday, May 31st, 2023 @ 5:52 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Local man Steve Rollins juked and spun his way past church greeters during a visit to First Baptist Church today, stunning church staff with his world-class elusiveness.
Published: Wednesday, May 31st, 2023 @ 5:26 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
In a massive technological breakthrough, the Galactic Empire has at last developed a door that doesn't simply open when you shoot the control panel with a blaster.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 7:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
After two weeks sailing upon the flood waters in the ark, Noah began to think that bringing the woodpeckers along may have been a bad idea.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 6:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
The Biden campaign has added a stunt double that will step in for the President to perform high-risk stair scenes.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 6:42 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
The White House today turned over press conference duties to President Biden's cue card, who hosted the press corps solo as Biden himself was out sick.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 5:56 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Facing increasing criticism over her handling of school closures around the country during the COVID-19 pandemic, United Federation of Teachers President Randi Weingarten defended herself by saying her actual intention was to open schools in the Opposite World.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 5:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Despite the addition of other candidates seeking the Democratic Party's nomination in the 2024 Presidential Election, incumbent Joe Biden's campaign has announced the President will not be participating in the debates due to the looming strike of the Writers Guild of America.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 8:44 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson issued a dire warning in response to Mattel's new Down Syndrome Barbie, saying it might cause young, impressionable girls to think that all human life has value.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 12:34 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
A local man found himself in a jam when his toilet failed to flush yesterday morning. Rather than call a professional plumber to fix the issue, the man called upon the entire backlog of plumbing knowledge he has accumulated during his life: jiggling the toilet handle.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 12:00 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
The world of political media is still reeling from the shocking news of Tucker Carlson being let go, but as with anything in the fast-paced business of cable news, the show must go on.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 7:57 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
In a bid to draw large corporate interests to conduct business in South Carolina and bring tens of thousands of jobs to the state, former governor and U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley has informed Emperor Palpatine that South Carolina is the ideal location to build a new Death Star.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 10:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
The historic leader in primetime cable ratings Fox News was dominated last night by an unemployed man filming a selfie video in his partially-finished basement.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 10:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
According to sources, local man Job is experiencing unspeakable suffering, having been stricken with painful boils after losing his house, his children, and all his possessions.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 9:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
In a historic announcement, the Catholic Church has officially granted sainthood to Bandit Heeler, father of the titular character on the popular animated program Bluey. Bandit is both the first dog as well as the first animated fictional character to be granted sainthood.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 12:41 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
We've all seen it. All of us, in some way, have had our lives touched by it. Amazon addiction. It's spreading like wildfire through marriages and families, destroying all bank accounts in its path.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 12:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Tragedy has dealt the media and entertainment industries a devastating blow, as the death toll of journalists and celebrities continues to rise rapidly in the wake of losing their blue checks on Twitter.
Published: Sunday, May 28th, 2023 @ 1:41 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|
|
Attention, moviegoers, Hollywood has done it yet again. Reports are filtering in that, once again, the new movie you're excited to go see this weekend features a female character who is somewhat competent and can do stuff and say things
Published: Sunday, May 28th, 2023 @ 1:16 pm
By: Babylon Bee
|