Asked If He Has Cognitive Ability To Be A Senator, Fetterman Blinks Twice For 'Yes' | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PHILADELPHIA, PA     In his first TV interview since suffering a stroke earlier this year, Democratic candidate John Fetterman was asked if he still possessed the mental ability to serve as a United States Senator. Fetterman responded with an unequivocal "yes," which he communicated with two eye-blinks, which is said to mean "yes."

    "Yes," said Fetterman, blinking twice before elaborating with a series of foot stomps and facial twitches. "I cognitive ability. Yes, cognitive. Senator. Easy. No problem."

    The NBC reporter nodded happily and asked a follow-up question: "And what do you say to all the citizens who believe you've suffered a tragic brain injury and should sit this one out?"

    "Shut. Up." Fetterman fired back using a keypad on his motor scooter. "I fine."

    Biden also weighed in on the controversy, saying he thinks Fetterman is in perfect health and would do a great job as Senator. "I don't understand what everyone's talking about," he said to reporters. "This guy Fetterman makes perfect sense when he speaks! Applesauce ribbenflibbet!"

    Fetterman's team insists he will still be on the ballot in a few weeks and is hoping for everyone's vote so he can hold the Senate for Democrats until they can figure something else out.

    At publishing time, the medical team for Dr. Oz offered to give Fetterman 3 weird tricks to reduce stroke symptoms if he agrees to drop out.

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

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