Historians Believe Isaac Declined All Father-Son Camping Trip Invitations After 'The Incident' | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LOS ANGELES, CA     Following the publication of an influential paper presented at an ecumenical conference exploring Isaac's troubled relationship with his father Abraham, most historians now believe that Isaac found excuses to avoid hikes, camping trips, and father-son wilderness outings with his Dad after what the family delicately termed "the incident."

    "The conventional view is that 'the incident' ruined Abraham and Isaac's father-son relationship, but a deeper analysis of archaeological, linguistic, and cultural factors shows that Isaac was still warm towards his father - but that he did demur from any outdoor excursions alone with him." British scholar Jared Hasley addressed his fellow historians at a prominent Protestant seminary for the conference on the topic, named "Obsidian Knives, Saving Lives, And Grace In Unexpected Places."

    Other scholars at the conference modified Hasley's claims, but acknowledged that his keynote address was correct in its overall claim that the patriarch could only convince his son to spend time with him for "indoor bonding experiences, or outdoors if Isaac could verify where there would be plenty of witnesses." The consensus is now that after the incident, Isaac became "jumpy" and took to monitoring his father's moods carefully, keeping a distance of several feet from Abraham when they were on errands together.

    At publishing time, researchers at the conference had determined Isaac later went on to avoid all other father-son bonding experiences as well, but only because he had become a teenager and thought his dad was super lame.