Dread it. Run from it. 2024 has arrived all the same. But fear not as the team at The Babylon Bee has been hard at work for you coming up with the most probable, and completely accurate 2024 predictions to help you make it through the New Year.
Published: Tuesday, March 26th, 2024 @ 12:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A California woman who was believed to be the oldest living American died last week, just over two weeks after her 116th birthday.
Published: Tuesday, March 19th, 2024 @ 9:29 pm
By: Daily Wire
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President Joe Biden reportedly admitted that he had served in the Senate with “real racists” and segregationists — mentioning former South Carolina GOP Sen. Strom Thurmond by name — and then claimed that today’s Republican Party was “worse.”
Published: Sunday, March 3rd, 2024 @ 8:43 am
By: Daily Wire
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Top House Republicans are pressing Attorney General Merrick Garland on whether the Justice Department shielded Hunter Biden during the corruption trial of one of his Chinese associates.
Published: Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 @ 2:58 pm
By: Daily Wire
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A local couple's first night out together in months got off to a rocky start, as a man took his wife out to dinner at a very expensive restaurant only to be left disappointed after learning the McFlurry machine was broken.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 1:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Federal court documents pertaining to the late convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein were unsealed on Wednesday, pursuant to a December order from Manhattan federal Judge Loretta Pleska, and are expected to reveal the names of more than 150 of the financier’s associates, some of whom are already known
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 10:35 am
By: Daily Wire
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Soho Theatre used to be a synagogue
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 8:08 am
By: Daily Wire
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First Panhellenic endowment is tribute to sisterhood
Published: Saturday, February 24th, 2024 @ 11:36 pm
By: ECU News Services
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As children of the 1980s now having our own kids, we often look back at our own childhoods and think: "I can't believe my parents let me do that." Parenting back in the 1980s was simply a different ball game than parenting today.
Published: Saturday, February 17th, 2024 @ 3:32 am
By: Babylon Bee
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President Joe Biden revealed his New Year’s resolution to reporters while vacationing with his family in St. Croix, the U.S. Virgin Islands.
Published: Sunday, February 11th, 2024 @ 11:28 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) said on Wednesday that she plans to introduce legislation that would make it easier to combat “swatting” incidents that have impacted her and many others across the country.
Published: Sunday, February 4th, 2024 @ 3:12 am
By: Daily Wire
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According to sources embedded within the Baxter residence, local teenage son Matt Jennings casually asked his mother what she was cooking for dinner just 20 minutes after consuming approximately 50,000 calories at the family's 3 P.M. Thanksgiving dinner.
Published: Thursday, February 1st, 2024 @ 11:16 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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It happens to all of us: you sit down around the dinner table with your family, thank God for the turkey, and just as you're about to take a bite of grandma's delicious cheesy potato dish, your crazy uncle starts ranting about how the Fellowship could have just taken the Eagles to Mordor.
Published: Thursday, February 1st, 2024 @ 3:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In response to criticism about the high prices of food as the holiday season approaches, the Biden administration assured American families that the cost of Thanksgiving dinner is actually down significantly this year
Published: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024 @ 8:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Amid charges that Elon Musk's social media app "X" has become a dangerous breeding ground for speech Communists don't like, Apple CEO Tim Cook has elected to pull all Apple advertising from the platform.
Published: Thursday, January 25th, 2024 @ 2:05 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Legislation introduced by North Carolina Republican Sen. Thom Tillis, along with fellow Sens. John Cornyn (R-Tx) and Kyrsten Sinema (I-AZ) that would preserve and protect funding for longtime high school programs and activities like archery and hunting safety
Published: Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024 @ 6:30 am
By: Carolina Journal
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A New Hampshire man has been arrested for threatening to “blow” the “brains out” of a presidential candidate, according to the Justice Department.
Published: Monday, January 1st, 2024 @ 11:00 pm
By: Daily Wire
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A heart warming story about Ann Margret and her Vietnam gentlemen.
Published: Sunday, December 24th, 2023 @ 11:25 pm
By: Bobby Tony
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Former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley’s candidacy for president is receiving financial backing from top Democratic donor Reid Hoffman.
Published: Sunday, December 24th, 2023 @ 6:44 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Legendary Hollywood producer Norman Lear, who was responsible for some of the most popular television shows of the 1970s, has died at the age of 101.
Published: Sunday, December 24th, 2023 @ 9:54 am
By: Daily Wire
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Jewish students at Northeastern University in Boston encountered an anti-Israel demonstration taking place in their campus center as they tried to enter the building to attend a Shabbat dinner.
Published: Sunday, December 24th, 2023 @ 1:14 am
By: Daily Wire
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Local mom Marcia Merrick decided to schedule family pictures with an expensive photographer as it had been far too long since they had all screamed at each other in abject rage.
Published: Thursday, December 21st, 2023 @ 10:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a horrific yet tiny accident, Houston Astros second baseman José Altuve was accidentally stepped on as the Texas Rangers stormed the mound to celebrate making it to the World Series.
Published: Thursday, December 14th, 2023 @ 10:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Biden family “brand” helped a Ukrainian energy company stay in business, a former associate of first son Hunter Biden told lawmakers this week.
Published: Sunday, December 10th, 2023 @ 12:04 am
By: Daily Wire
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SAN DIEGO, CA — Following the passing of legislation to raise the minimum wage for fast food workers in California, San Diego-based restaurant chain Jack-In-The-Box has announced it will now be rolling out a special offer of two tacos for just $20.
Published: Friday, December 1st, 2023 @ 1:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Everyone knows men aren't allowed to cry, except in very special circumstances. We at The Babylon Bee consulted over two man experts across the world and asked them when it was OK for men to cry.
Published: Thursday, November 30th, 2023 @ 7:36 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Xi dined with more than 300 American business executives.
Published: Thursday, November 30th, 2023 @ 7:29 am
By: Daily Wire
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Former President Donald Trump reportedly dined with Fox News executives this week to discuss the rapidly approaching first Republican Party primary debate after he previously dismissed the idea as “stupid”
Published: Saturday, November 25th, 2023 @ 12:13 am
By: Daily Wire
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A local man spent the better part of Monday afternoon playing baseball with his son, tragically leaving him completely unaware of all the terrible things that were happening in the news.
Published: Thursday, November 23rd, 2023 @ 3:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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With Christmas just around the corner, Mayor London Breed of San Francisco encouraged residents to get their shoplifting done early this year.
Published: Thursday, November 23rd, 2023 @ 11:48 am
By: Babylon Bee
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It's that "special time" of the month, your wife has that crazy look in her eyes, and you know your next words could be your last. What do you say?
Published: Tuesday, November 21st, 2023 @ 11:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Billionaire hedge fund manager Bill Ackman and Harvard alumnus admitted ignorance toward his old university’s so-called diverse and inclusive organizational framework on Monday by criticizing the Ivy League’s efforts as anything but inclusive for all marginalized groups.
Published: Tuesday, November 21st, 2023 @ 11:59 am
By: Daily Wire
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Local man Seth Bridges' date with Taylor Swift got off to a rocky start as the singer began writing in her song idea notebook mere minutes into dinner.
Published: Friday, November 17th, 2023 @ 1:56 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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