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With the success of Matt Walsh and the newly-bearded Ben Shapiro, pressure is mounting at The Daily Wire headquarters for popular conservative commentator Candace Owens to grow a beard of her own.
Published: Sunday, October 9th, 2022 @ 2:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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We are SO thankful that Hollywood has finally stopped their bigotry and made a few movies with LGBTQ+ representation.
Published: Sunday, October 9th, 2022 @ 1:49 am
By: Babylon Bee
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We have witnessed many beautiful sights in our day, but nothing - not even the births of our own children - can compare to the GOREGOUSNESS that was Lizzo twerking in Abraham Lincoln's top hat.
Published: Sunday, October 9th, 2022 @ 1:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Lakewood Church Pastor Joel Osteen has begun selling his own unique brand of table salt, which is completely devoid of any and all saltiness.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 7:40 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Former President Trump has announced "Corn Kid" will officially be his selection for Secretary of Agriculture upon re-election.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 7:27 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Proud air fryer owner Connie Simpson went a record seven minutes today without telling anyone that she owns an air fryer.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 4:04 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Not all heroes wear capes, but lots of them wear red polos and goofy-looking yellow suspenders. Here we have collected nine legendary tales of when Chick-fil-A employees literally saved a customer's life in the drive-thru:
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 2:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A few days ago, President Joe Biden moseyed away from his podium while speaking to a group of FEMA workers.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 10:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As Ukrainian officials prepared to submit their request to join NATO, President Volodymyr Zelensky planned to use one of the most powerful secret weapons at his disposal — his Hollywood connections — and ask Ben Stiller if he could put the actor down as a reference on the application.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 12:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After filming only 8 episodes of The Rings of Power, Amazon has exhausted the entire $1 billion budget allotted for the production of the show. Initial reports indicate that most of the money was spent on special effects to make it look like a woman can hold a sword.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 12:35 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a nationwide campaign to promote abortion tourism in California, Gavin Newsom has purchased ads in red states encouraging women to travel to California to kill their babies.
Published: Saturday, October 8th, 2022 @ 12:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In preparation for Halloween, White House staffers have spent days adorning the premises with frightening decorations. One prop stands out above the rest: a spooky, lifelike old zombie that wanders the halls, drooling and moaning.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 10:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A fascinating new study has revealed that the vast majority of people, when presented with a blind taste test, can't tell the difference between candy corn and a dusty, old orange crayon we found in a junk drawer.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 7:09 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The Army's first transgender officer Major Anna Gabrielian has been charged with conspiring to give secret information to Russia to aid them in their attack on Ukraine.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 5:49 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In the nick of time, Congress has passed a bipartisan $12 billion funding bill, narrowly avoiding a Ukrainian government shutdown.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 4:00 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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As the midterm elections approach, cynical Republicans are pouncing on Biden for being one of the worst presidents ever.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 1:38 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A few weeks ago, Instagram banned Pornhub's account amid mounting evidence of nonconsensual sexual exploitative material on the account.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 8:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As emergency crews worked tirelessly to rescue Floridians with the sense to stay out of Georgia, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was seen on a rescue boat, paddling door to door and asking for donations to support the war effort against Russia.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 8:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After musical artist and professional twerker Lizzo made waves by playing James Madison's crystal flute on stage, Beyoncé upped the ante by performing in Times Square wearing George Washington's false teeth.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 7:48 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to reports, a concert venue of 750 saw record amounts of strained, polite smiles and lackluster cheers as a band that has been popular for 23 years played a shocking 9 songs of new material before getting to the hits and deep tracks that they actually wanted to hear.
Published: Friday, October 7th, 2022 @ 2:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As Hurricane Ian made landfall in Florida, Biden held a press conference to criticize the hurricane naming system and vow that the next major storm will be named after a woman of color.
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 9:55 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Everyone knows the biggest sign of a spiritually healthy church is the number of 5-star Yelp reviews you have, but oh no! Your church has a 2-star average rating!
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 4:59 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In the wake of Italy electing Giorgia Meloni as Prime Minister, millions of Americans have gotten their hopes up that she might also become the President of the United States.
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 4:38 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Date night for Madilynn and Murphy McMickerson started off just like every other date night when Madilynn told the server she would just have a light salad followed by her husband's entire entree.
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 10:02 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Authorities are warning that the destructive power of Hurricane Ian is so severe that it could cause Florida to experience water and power shortage almost as bad as they have in California.
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 9:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local cashier Dan Johnson couldn't help but worry that the woman who just checked out with dozens of key fob tags might be cheating on him with other grocery stores.
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 9:00 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Yes, college is expensive and will saddle you with crushing debt in exchange for no useful life skills, but it's worth it, because it will make you smart.
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 2:20 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Terrence Bilkerson successfully transitioned into a woman recently after taking his wife's multivitamin. The transition occurred instantly after he grabbed the wrong bottle of vitamins
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 2:08 am
By: Babylon Bee
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NASA's DART mission ended in disaster today as one of their female space drivers crashed a spacecraft directly into an oncoming asteroid. To save face, NASA is now claiming the collision was completely on purpose.
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 1:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Do you think you're just a quiet, patriotic conservative with good old-fashioned family values? Oh no! You may be a dangerous fascist!
Published: Thursday, October 6th, 2022 @ 12:24 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Chaos erupted at a local convent yesterday as a team of FBI agents aggressively stormed the building in the early morning hours. Sources say they had received multiple reports of it being a gathering place for a large group of dangerous, right-wing, pro-life extremists.
Published: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022 @ 11:43 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Philosophy professor and Fascism Expert James Stanley announced on Twitter that he had found fascism in America, Italy, Nigeria, and several other countries.
Published: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022 @ 5:41 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The economy is in the toilet! What will you do? Relax! This is nothing to worry about. We're all just transitioning to a brighter future together!
Published: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022 @ 4:30 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The protests in Iran have been raging for over a week, with more speaking out against Iran's use of "morality police" in enforcing hijab wearing among women.
Published: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022 @ 11:50 am
By: Babylon Bee
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