A Plethora of Lawyer Jokes Supplied by our Favorite Lawyer | Eastern North Carolina Now

    This begins with Diane telling me a funny lawyer joke that I have sense lost, so I will try to recount it to you now, before we begin with the jokes that Lawyer Rufino contributed, here below.

It begins:
    Two lawyers are walking down a city street when a fetching young women walks by them and smiles.
    One lawyer comments to the other lawyer, "I'd like to screw her.
    The other lawyer remarks to the commenting lawyer, "Out of what?"


Lawyer joke #1
    A fellow at a bar stands up during happy hour and yells out, "All lawyers are assholes!"
    The bar quiets down, another guy pipes back, "I resent that!"
    The first fellow then asks, "What, are you a lawyer?"
    The second fellow responds, "No, I'm an asshole."


Lawyer joke #2
    What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute?

    Who cares?


Lawyer joke #3
    What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?

    He gets taller.


Lawyer joke #4
    Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?

    It's called, Sosumi.


Lawyer joke #5
    Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers hostage?

    They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.


Lawyer joke #6
    Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?

    They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.


Lawyer joke #7
    How does an attorney sleep?

    First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.


Lawyer joke #8
    What does a lawyer use for birth-control?

    His personality.


Lawyer joke #9
    What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

    You cry when you cut up an onion.


Lawyer joke #10
    What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

    The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.


Lawyer joke #12
    What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

    One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.


Lawyer joke #13
    What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

    A Doberman.


Lawyer joke #14
    Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

    Professional courtesy.


Lawyer joke #15
    You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

    Shoot the lawyer. Twice.


Lawyer joke #16
    What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

    His partners.


    Thats enough for now. We'll have more later. Please come back.