Mayor Adams Mandates Bike Helmets To Protect New Yorkers From Getting Sucker-Punched | Eastern North Carolina Now | In response to the rising cases of random New Yorkers being sucker-punched by thugs, Mayor Eric Adams has instituted a new city ordinance requiring citizens who leave their home to wear protective helmets.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NEW YORK CITY     In response to the rising cases of random New Yorkers being sucker-punched by thugs, Mayor Eric Adams has instituted a new city ordinance requiring citizens who leave their home to wear protective helmets.

    "Crime is going up for some unknown reason," Mayor Adams admitted during a scheduled press conference. "But not to worry, I have just the thing!"

    Adams unveiled a picture of the new "pedestrian" helmet by removing the curtain he had previously draped over a nearby flip-chart easel. He proudly went over key details about the new helmets and described how they would help protect citizens when they are inevitably sucker-punched.

    "David Farkel, New York Post," said David Farkel from the New York Post. "Mr. Mayor, to be clear, are you really saying that everyone needs to wear a bicycle helmet when they leave their homes?"

    "Thank you for the question. No, the city will not be requiring what you ask. You see, these are not bicycle helmets," Mayor Adams answered. "Bicycle helmets are for bike riding. These are pedestrian helmets for walking around."

    "But aren't they the same helmet?" interjected New York Times reporter Peter Mayhew.

    "These come in business black," clarified Adams.

    The lone conservative in New York, who lives on 114th Street in Harlem, has been critical of the new mandate. Other citizens have voiced support for their mayor who they say is "at least doing something."

    At publishing time, Mayor Adams had been sucker-punched by a homeless convicted serial killer out on bail. The helmet did nothing.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




No, There Is Not a “Neoliberal” Poltergeist in Higher Ed Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Beware ''woke'' financial firm Blackrock pushing far left agenda


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

An assistant U.S. attorney found to have sexually assaulted his or her date will not be held accountable by prosecutors.
As part of ongoing celebrations for Latinx Heritage Month, millions of revelers gathered to remember that day just a few years ago when someone made up the word "Latinx" out of thin air.
Small businesses are concerned about profit margins amid inflationary pressures, as well as issues such as crime rates and stricter tax enforcement, according to a poll released by Job Creators Network.
Is this the next pandemic? Health experts claim that a sudden, unexpected illness is expected to cause many American employees to stay home, some for a week or more, on May 12, 2023.
MSNBC anchor Chuck Todd appeared to have a difficult time accepting Vice President Kamala Harris’ assertion that the U.S.-Mexico border was secure.
North Carolina’s unemployment rate increased to 3.5% in August after remaining flat at 3.4% for four consecutive months prior, according to the latest release from the North Carolina Department of Commerce.
Pope Francis asked for prayers on Sunday ahead of a trip this week to the former Soviet republic of Kazakhstan for an international meeting with religious leaders.

HbAD1

After being removed from a scenic island off the coast of Massachusetts and placed on a bus headed for a nearby military base, immigrant José Valdez has reportedly begun suspecting that the Martha's Vineyard resident who promised to be his pen pal was not actually being serious.
Retired Gen. Frank McKenzie warned on Sunday that the U.S. has limited intelligence capacity in Afghanistan 21 years after the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
N.C. lawmakers accuse redistricting plaintiffs of trying to "disestablish" the General Assembly's authority to draw state election maps.
On the 21st anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on America, Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA) invoked the January 6th Capitol riot.
Everyone is either a member of a family, or has close association with a family that is forced to shelter a pathetic character, ignobly tolerated; a family member that exists only to be a monumental embarrassment on their best days; their worst days are horror stories.
Superstar Chris Pratt sent a message Sunday to all those people who died in the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 — who “risked their lives for us and our country.”
Prison reform advocates are celebrating the NYPD's unprecedented move to put dangerous criminals back out on the street as quickly as possible with the unveiling of the new giant slide.
A new poll indicates that Georgia GOP candidate Herschel Walker is gaining speed in the Peach Tree State’s senate race against incumbent Senator Raphael Warnock (D-GA).

HbAD2

Russia announced Saturday that it is pulling back troops from two areas as Ukraine’s counteroffensive advances in the country’s eastern region.
Every morning, local TSA Officer Steve Harper gets out of bed, takes a shower, eats two hard-boiled eggs, gets dressed, and then flips his lucky coin to find out if he's going to be a pleasant, easygoing guy who is gracious to flustered, stressed-out travelers
A Democrat congressman in South Texas engaged in election denialism during an event late this week with House Intelligence Committee chairman Adam Schiff (D-CA), falsely claiming that Republicans “stole” a U.S. House seat from a fellow Democrat earlier this year during a special election.
If you're covering Janet Yellen's visit to Durham today, please consider the following statement from the Republican National Committee.
Federally-funded paper proposes having social justice metrics partially supplant merit when awarding science research funding.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is being hailed as a hero after he used top-secret technology to reroute Hurricane Ian to Martha's Vineyard.
Twice-failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and her daughter Chelsea Clinton publicly bashed former First Lady Melania Trump and Ivanka Trump during a “Watch What Happens Live” segment on Thursday.
Donna King, Carolina Journal editor-in-chief, discusses N.C. parents’ participation in a Washington, D.C, rally about the dangers of fentanyl.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top