Chick-Fil-A Manager Struck Dead After Playing Secular Music In Restaurant | Eastern North Carolina Now | The world's leading Christian fast food chain suffered a tragedy today as the manager of a local Chick-Fil-A was apparently struck dead shortly after playing secular music in the restaurant.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    OVERLAND PARK, KS     The world's leading Christian fast food chain suffered a tragedy today as the manager of a local Chick-Fil-A was apparently struck dead shortly after playing secular music in the restaurant.

    The manager, identified as Luis Garcia, had been a loyal Chick-Fil-A employee for several years prior to his promotion to the position last spring. Garcia was overheard discussing the possibility of playing secular songs in the restaurant as recently as last week. Not long after hearing "Girl on Fire" by Alicia Keys over the speakers, Chick-Fil-A customers were shocked to see the store manager immediately smitten - likely by the wrathful hand of God.

    "I was just sitting here listening to the music and enjoying my spicy deluxe chicken sandwich and waffle fries when I heard someone screaming back behind the counter," said customer Micah Schmidt. "I went to find out what was going on and saw the manager lying dead on the floor."

    Sources say great fear and awe have come upon the staff of Chick-Fil-A after this terrifying display of divine wrath. "He kept talking about how he was tired of hearing the same instrumental jazz versions of Casting Crowns and Chris Tomlin songs all day, but I warned him not to play anything other than the Lord's chosen music," said employee Simeon Purtle. "Now that I think about it, there were loud claps of thunder every time he would even mention the idea of playing secular songs."

    At publishing time, the Chick-Fil-A branch was already searching for a new manager as funeral preparations were underway for Mr. Garcia. Though many of the details were left unclear, it is believed that his tombstone inscription will read "It Was His Pleasure."
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Newsom Promises There Will Be Enough Electricity For All Californians After Everyone Moves To Florida Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Wife Uses Incognito Mode To Browse More Autumn Scented Candles


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

"...everything that defines us is now an enemy for those who would like us to no longer have an identity and to simply be perfect consumer slaves."
During a camping retreat this week to recharge for more rioting before, during, and after the midterm elections, a group of progressives sat around a campfire and enjoyed swapping scary stories about climate change.
Mortgage rates are approaching 7% as the housing market continues to experience turmoil.
According to a Reuters report, tweets soliciting child sex abuse material have appeared alongside or on profile pages of at least 30 major advertisers’ Twitter accounts. Some of those companies are now pulling their ad services off the social media platform.
‘Gravest technological threat’ to liberty
A local couple is in shock today after a startling visit from Rightful Georgia Governor® Stacey Abrams. According to sources, the couple was listening to the heartbeat of their child on a sonogram for the very first time when Abrams burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man
Have you ever seen former New England Patriots star Julian Edelman’s unbelievable catch as part of the team’s 25-point comeback in Super Bowl 51? It undoubtedly took “great skill” and “good luck” — thanks, in large part, to his years of practice and determination.

HbAD1

Earlier this year, I wrote how former congressman and Trump administration chief of staff Mark Meadows may have committed voter registration fraud in North Carolina.
“The Chosen” creator Dallas Jenkins recently spoke to The Daily Wire about the uses of social media and if he thinks Jesus would’ve used it, had it been available in first century Galilee, to spread his message.
Matt Walsh is once again stirring up controversy after he shared pictures of Nazi death camps on his Twitter account with the words "We must never let this kind of evil happen ever again."
More than 2.5 million businesses and homes in Florida were left without power in the aftermath of Hurricane Ian on Thursday morning as utility companies work to repair the state’s electrical grid.
Cheri Beasley’s soft on crime agenda and support for the defund the police movement has not gone unnoticed.
The U.S. Navy recently tested technology and completed training exercises near the portion of the Nord Stream pipeline system that saw damage on Monday.
A recently published years-long investigation by the Dallas Morning News has revealed that many colleges and universities throughout the country used or have been using AI to monitor students’ social media and email accounts.
During a White House press conference focused on clarifying every statement Biden has ever made, Press Secretary Jean-Pierre clarified that the official White House policy was the opposite of whatever President Biden says in interviews.

HbAD2

Footage from the American Conservative Union’s recent Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) event in Texas was removed from YouTube last week, according to the conservative group.
God is in control but we still have free will
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg warned his fellow Europeans that the continent will undergo trials as it supports Ukraine in the midst of an energy crisis.
I can understand those who say they would rather “push a Ford than drive a Chevy.” And it is acceptable that some prefer Coke to Pepsi. There’s even space for those misguided souls who would rather have a Big Mac than a Whopper. Those are personal preferences and subject to personal opinion.
A Houston woman is under arrest after allegedly posing as a Russian agent while threatening to kill the federal judge overseeing the records battle between former President Trump and the Department of Justice.
Disney has chosen a bald actress to play Rapunzel in the upcoming live-action remake of Tangled. Director Guy Ritchie announced the casting at a press conference alongside Disney CEO Bob Chapek.
"It had to have been 20, 25, 30 -- we have a large property, my entire front yard, you could barely see it."
Maybe the media doesn’t actually want disaster to hit Florida, but they seem to be rooting for it to strike Governor Ron DeSantis, Ben Shapiro observed Wednesday on his podcast and radio show.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top