Café With Self-Order Kiosks And Self-Serve Coffee Asks If You Want To Leave A Tip | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ALEXANDRIA, VA     According to sources, a local self-ordering kiosk at an overpriced cafe that sells self-serve coffee just asked if you would like to add a tip to a $12 coffee order.

    "WOULD YOU LIKE TO LEAVE A TIP? 15%? 20%? 25%? A CUSTOM TIP AMOUNT?" says the presumptuous screen as a worker who apparently doesn't do anything peers over at you from behind a plexiglass COVID shield.

    What on earth am I tipping these people for, you think to yourself as you press the "NO TIP" button on the screen.

    "NO TIP? PLEASE CONFIRM YOUR TIP OF $0.00 FOR THIS HARD-WORKING ESTABLISHMENT BY CLICKING 'CONFIRM NO TIP'," reads the kiosk as you sense the eyes of the do-nothing barista boring into your skull. "NO TIP CONFIRMED," says the screen.

    As you remove your card, all activity in the cafe stops as the workers look over at you and shake their heads over how pathetically cheap you are.

    You take a sip of your coffee. It's cold.