Report: Water Pipes So Excited For Midterms They Could Just Burst | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    U.S.     Plumbers across the country are advising voting stations to perform common-sense pipe inspections ahead of midterm elections in light of a bombshell new report that speculates water pipes are so excited for midterms "they could just burst."

    "Your pipe is probably thinking, 'Ohh, Stacey Abrams for governor. I can't believe it's going to happen!' and then BOOM - water all over the floor," warns presidential plumber Zachary Roosevelt.

    "You need to be careful with what pipes are exposed to," he continued. "Quickly changing temperatures, calcium build-up, and any news that Republicans are pulling ahead in votes are big problems for pipes."

    Water spillage during election season is not a new phenomenon. Amidst high voter turnout, water pipes famously burst in Georgia while votes were being tallied for the 2020 presidential election. A local plumber later determined the pipes burst due to a combination of excessive corrosion and hatred for Donald Trump.

    Plumbers at the nation's capital are reportedly coordinating with the White House to recommend common-sense piping inspections for every voting station in an effort to avoid any delays on election day.

    "Every voting station needs fully insulated pipes and a hammer to smack them around if they pay too much attention to the votes coming in," said President Biden. "The pipes have eyes, Jack!"