Twitter Employees Devastated To Learn Their New Boss Expects Them To Do Actual Work At Their Jobs | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA     Twitter headquarters has erupted into chaos as workers are now being expected to do actual work at their jobs, insiders reveal.

    "If you want a job here you need to actually do something," said Twitter's eccentric new CEO Elon Musk to the despair of everyone present. "I think that's reasonable. Hey - where is everyone going?"

    Several Twitter employees reached out to give more details. "How am I supposed to do actual work when I'm a neurodivergent furry with a debilitating anxiety disorder?" said Baron Wally, a master programmer who automated himself out of any responsibility. "If I'm fired, where will I spend my days drinking wine and playing hacky sack? This is inhumane!"

    "We're in a real pickle," admits Donna Billings, Twitter's Supervisor of Human Resources. "Most of us don't even have job titles, per se. We just sort of hang around and get upset about politics. Now we have nowhere to go!"

    Many employees, who reportedly have salaries in excess of $150,000 a year, have shared that they don't even remember what they were hired to do in the first place.

    "I know I used to do something," said Jennifer DeMole. "I mean, I use Twitter. That's kind of like a job. I do lots of activist posting where I punch up at rich white men. That's important."

    At publishing time, the remaining employees quit after Elon Musk gave everyone a MyPillow and asked them to sleep in the office for the next month.

poll#128

Where do you stand on the wanton censorship by Big Tech Platforms, while retaining their Section 230 carveout indemnifying them for Slander /Defamation lawsuits and Copyright infringements?

  Big Tech Platforms have the right to Censor all speech providing they voluntarily relinquish their Section 230 Carveout.

  Big Tech Platforms DO NOT have the right to Censor any speech, while retaining multiple indemnifications by virtue of the Section 230 Carveout.

  I know nothing of this 230 talk, but "I do love me some social media".

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