Twitter Employees Devastated To Learn Their New Boss Expects Them To Do Actual Work At Their Jobs | Eastern North Carolina Now | Twitter headquarters has erupted into chaos as workers are now being expected to do actual work at their jobs, insiders reveal.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA     Twitter headquarters has erupted into chaos as workers are now being expected to do actual work at their jobs, insiders reveal.

    "If you want a job here you need to actually do something," said Twitter's eccentric new CEO Elon Musk to the despair of everyone present. "I think that's reasonable. Hey - where is everyone going?"

    Several Twitter employees reached out to give more details. "How am I supposed to do actual work when I'm a neurodivergent furry with a debilitating anxiety disorder?" said Baron Wally, a master programmer who automated himself out of any responsibility. "If I'm fired, where will I spend my days drinking wine and playing hacky sack? This is inhumane!"

    "We're in a real pickle," admits Donna Billings, Twitter's Supervisor of Human Resources. "Most of us don't even have job titles, per se. We just sort of hang around and get upset about politics. Now we have nowhere to go!"

    Many employees, who reportedly have salaries in excess of $150,000 a year, have shared that they don't even remember what they were hired to do in the first place.

    "I know I used to do something," said Jennifer DeMole. "I mean, I use Twitter. That's kind of like a job. I do lots of activist posting where I punch up at rich white men. That's important."

    At publishing time, the remaining employees quit after Elon Musk gave everyone a MyPillow and asked them to sleep in the office for the next month.

poll#128
Where do you stand on the wanton censorship by Big Tech Platforms, while retaining their Section 230 carveout indemnifying them for Slander /Defamation lawsuits and Copyright infringements?
  Big Tech Platforms have the right to Censor all speech providing they voluntarily relinquish their Section 230 Carveout.
  Big Tech Platforms DO NOT have the right to Censor any speech, while retaining multiple indemnifications by virtue of the Section 230 Carveout.
  I know nothing of this 230 talk, but "I do love me some social media".
402 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Stephen King Sues Drag Queens For Infringing His Copyright On Terrifying Clowns That Prey On Children Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 27 Positions At Twitter Most Likely To Be Eliminated


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Rookie heavenly angel Raphael unleashed total panic after forgetting to shout "fear not" upon showing himself to a group of Israelites.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk released information through journalist Matt Taibbi Friday afternoon showing that Twitter was working in conjunction with then-Democrat presidential candidate Joe Biden’s team, removing tweets that team Biden wanted deleted.
As a youth growing up in a United States of America that understood the pain of sacrifice, the remembrance of Pearl Harbor was an annual event.
How a coastal North Carolina city became the site of America’s only coup d’etat
Democrats have voted to put South Carolina first in the Democratic primary schedule and move Georgia and Michigan up to be included in the early voting states, according to reporting from the Associated Press.
A coalition of charter-school advocacy organizations has filed a lawsuit in federal court seeking to block new restrictions on charter schools imposed by the Biden administration
Former Secretary of State and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticized recent pro-life wins, comparing actions that protect unborn life to those in countries around the world where women’s rights have historically been severely restricted.

HbAD1

Former President Donald Trump is asking a federal judge to force the Department of Justice (DOJ) to turn over an unredacted copy of the FBI affidavit used to justify a raid on Trump’s Florida residence.
After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.
Teenagers’ brains were physically altered and aged at an accelerated rate during the COVID lockdowns, according to a Stanford University study published Thursday.
An interpreter for the Broadway show “The Lion King” is suing over his termination, claiming that he was fired because of his skin color.
Representative Ilhan Omar arrived at the Capitol today proudly decked out head-to-toe in brand new "Yeezy" gear.
A California law suggests that not-for-credit courses may be on their last legs.
While methamphetamine has been a problem in the United States for a long time, there is a rising concern about fentanyl use and fatal overdoses. However, the two drugs combined are adding another layer to the crisis.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk said Friday afternoon that he will release more information about how the platform censored the New York Post’s bombshell report about Hunter Biden’s laptop just weeks before the 2020 presidential election.

HbAD2

 
Back to Top