James Cameron Releases Testosterone-Free Cut Of 'T2' Where Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Replaced By Kip From Napoleon Dynamite

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James Cameron Releases Testosterone-Free Cut Of 'T2' Where Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Replaced By Kip From Napoleon Dynamite

Published: Friday, December 9th, 2022 @ 3:37 am
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LOS ANGELES, CA     James Cameron is putting his money where his mouth is. After stating that testosterone is a toxin that needs to be slowly worked out of a man's system, Cameron has now decided to release a testosterone-free cut of Terminator 2. To accomplish this, all scenes with Arnold Swarzenegger as the reprogrammed Terminator will be replaced by Kip from Napolean Dynomite instead.

    "Having a massive, muscular bodybuilder like Arnold Swarzenegger as a T-800 killer robot was toxic masculinity then, and it's toxic masculinity now," said Director James Cameron on replacing Arnold with Kip. "My new Testosterone-Free cut salvages as much as we can by digitally replacing him with a man who HAS worked all testosterone out of his system."

    A recent trailer for the testosterone-free cut entitled Low-T2 shows Kip in action as he arrives from the future. "Hey guys, um, is there a sweet motorcycle jacket I could wear?" says the naked T-800 Kip to a group of bikers. "I'm training to be a cage fighter. Try and hit me - OWWWW! You guys hit hard!"

    A later scene involves Kip convincing Sarah Connor he was there to protect her. "Things are getting pretty serious right now," he says while holding out a frail white arm to Sarah and her son. "Time travel? Easy. I've already looked into it for myself. Come with me if you wanna live and stuff. If you don't I'll be, like, totally TO'ed! Come ON guysss!"

    According to sources, James Cameron has confirmed that this version of the movie will end with Kip being easily defeated by T-1000. "Sure John Conner is killed and all of humanity is hopelessly doomed by the end of the film," said Cameron. "But at least there will no longer be a testosterone problem."

    At publishing time, James Cameron announced that he would be releasing testosterone-free cuts of all his other movies too - starting with Titanic since he didn't need to make any changes to that one.

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