James Cameron Releases Testosterone-Free Cut Of 'T2' Where Arnold Schwarzenegger Is Replaced By Kip From Napoleon Dynamite | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LOS ANGELES, CA     James Cameron is putting his money where his mouth is. After stating that testosterone is a toxin that needs to be slowly worked out of a man's system, Cameron has now decided to release a testosterone-free cut of Terminator 2. To accomplish this, all scenes with Arnold Swarzenegger as the reprogrammed Terminator will be replaced by Kip from Napolean Dynomite instead.

    "Having a massive, muscular bodybuilder like Arnold Swarzenegger as a T-800 killer robot was toxic masculinity then, and it's toxic masculinity now," said Director James Cameron on replacing Arnold with Kip. "My new Testosterone-Free cut salvages as much as we can by digitally replacing him with a man who HAS worked all testosterone out of his system."

    A recent trailer for the testosterone-free cut entitled Low-T2 shows Kip in action as he arrives from the future. "Hey guys, um, is there a sweet motorcycle jacket I could wear?" says the naked T-800 Kip to a group of bikers. "I'm training to be a cage fighter. Try and hit me - OWWWW! You guys hit hard!"

    A later scene involves Kip convincing Sarah Connor he was there to protect her. "Things are getting pretty serious right now," he says while holding out a frail white arm to Sarah and her son. "Time travel? Easy. I've already looked into it for myself. Come with me if you wanna live and stuff. If you don't I'll be, like, totally TO'ed! Come ON guysss!"

    According to sources, James Cameron has confirmed that this version of the movie will end with Kip being easily defeated by T-1000. "Sure John Conner is killed and all of humanity is hopelessly doomed by the end of the film," said Cameron. "But at least there will no longer be a testosterone problem."

    At publishing time, James Cameron announced that he would be releasing testosterone-free cuts of all his other movies too - starting with Titanic since he didn't need to make any changes to that one.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Federal Prosecutors Open Criminal Investigation Into Disgraced FTX Founder Sam Bankman-Fried, Report Says Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Trump Brags He's First President Ever To Lose The Senate Even After Being President


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Sources inside Twitter headquarters have confirmed Elon Musk and his team of brilliant engineers have been working tirelessly to get Twitter back to its normal state of allowing Twitter user Catturd to go viral.
U.S. intelligence officials reportedly say that several Chinese spy balloons floated over U.S. soil under former President Donald Trump but “went undetected” at the time and officials only “discovered after” Trump left office that the balloons were Chinese surveillance.
If an academic field gets politicized, consider looking to its professional overseers.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) is advocating for the quick removal of Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas as the illegal immigration crisis on the southern border shows no signs of slowing down.
The 2023 National Prayer Breakfast came to an abrupt and premature end today due to severe lightning that kept striking the building where the politicians were gathered.
If any three men have been most outspoken in their desire for peace between Ukraine and Russia, it has been former President Donald J. Trump, the Vicar of Christ Pope Francis, and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
This week, U.S. Senator Thom Tillis (R-NC) and his colleagues introduced a bill establishing a bipartisan, bicameral Joint Select Committee on Afghanistan to conduct a full investigation into President Biden’s failed and tragic withdrawal of U.S. forces from Afghanistan.
"This is not about woke-ism or mandates on job creators, it’s an effort to ensure fair and equal access to our financial system no matter your race, party affiliation, or political beliefs," Rep. Patrick McHenry, R-NC, in a statement to Carolina Journal.

HbAD1

House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer (R-KY) said during an interview Monday that President Joe Biden was under investigation for allegedly “influence peddling with our adversaries.”
Congressman Chuck Edwards (NC-11) issued the following statement today regarding China's suspected spy balloon traveling across the United States.
Robert Gates, former President Barack Obama’s Secretary of Defense, slammed politicians’ handling of classified information during an interview over the weekend where he also took a shot at President Joe Biden’s handling of the war in Ukraine.
compilation of 78 randomized control trials show masks are useless
Locals and Groundhog Day enthusiasts alike were caught off-guard today, as the eponymous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, emerged from his burrow and declared to the crowd gathered at Gobbler's Knob that there was a cache of documents marked "Classified" in his underground home.
A Catholic pro-life activist facing 11 years in prison for allegedly violating a federal law prohibiting people from blocking others from entering an abortion clinic was acquitted on Monday following a week-long trial.
Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot was slammed after video showed her dancing in the street in Chicago’s Lunar New Year parade Sunday.
Several users of the remarkable software ChatGPT are reporting an apparent glitch that occurs whenever someone asks the AI to say something nice about Donald Trump.
A Senate Democrat is joining Republican colleagues in calling for an investigation into the suspected Chinese spy balloon currently hovering over the United States.

HbAD2

County boards of elections in North Carolina regularly remove voter registrations of people whom they confirm have died or moved out of the county
Federal prosecutors requested that former FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried become subject to more restrictions during his pretrial release after he allegedly tried to tamper with a witness through the encrypted messaging platform Signal.
The N.C. Court of Appeals will decide in Zander v. Orange County whether the county must refund millions of dollars in school impact fees collected since 2009.
Secretary of State Antony Blinken reportedly told China’s Foreign Minister Wang Yi in a call on Friday that “the presence” of a suspected Chinese spy balloon in “U.S. airspace is a clear violation of U.S. sovereignty and international law.”
Local progressive and Anitfa member Declan Johnson has started to question his commitment to the communist revolution over concerns about a potential lack of gluten-free bread lines.
Young workers in Western nations are leaving their jobs at increasing levels over a desire to work for companies they believe are committed to fighting climate change.
Headlines detailing pro-union pushes at Amazon, Starbucks, and other big companies, coupled with President Biden’s vow to be the “most pro-union President leading the most pro-union administration in American history,” may lead us to think union membership is seeing a resurgence.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top