House Republicans Frantically Binge Old 'Schoolhouse Rock' Episodes To Figure Out What They're Supposed To Be Doing | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     House Republicans have requested a congressional recess following another failed round of voting for the next Speaker of the House so they can frantically binge-watch old episodes of Schoolhouse Rock and figure out what they're supposed to be doing.

    McCarthy reportedly told aides, "There's got to be something in these ancient songs. Hold all my calls! I refuse to talk to any constituents until I am Speaker!"

    Republicans first reviewed the classic song "Three-Ring Government" but found it unsettling. They learned a lot but all comparisons to a three-ring circus felt strangely offensive. "We are not a bunch of clowns! You're the clowns!" Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene yelled at the screen. She was supported by Rep. Matt Gaetz, who resented the very idea that he was anything but practically perfect in every way.

    According to sources, Republicans quickly grew bored of their intense study of government policy and ordered their aides to review the educational tapes instead. A 4,000-page report on the lessons learned from the catchy tunes and whimsical animation was prepared and half-heartedly skimmed by a majority of the congressional representatives who had requested the information in the first place.

    At publishing time, Rep. Kevin McCarthy is still reviewing footage of Schoolhouse Rock, searching for any means whatsoever to gain power. "All I care about is power," he said, eyes lit by the haunting glow of a dim television in a dark room full of empty chairs.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Republican Approval Rating At Record High After Bringing Congress To Grinding Halt Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Solomon Thinking Of Downgrading 48th Wife To Concubine Because Of The Way She Chews


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Goldman Sachs recently informed its clients that it expects home values to tank in four major markets across the U.S. amid worsening economic conditions.
REAL Definition The Left Doesn’t Want You To See
After getting into yet another public spat with ChatGPT, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has accused the program of wanting to date her.

HbAD1

Former Trump administration official Mike Pompeo accused Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) of leaking classified information.
A unanimous N.C. Court of Appeals panel has ruled that University of North Carolina System students cannot sue for partial refunds of tuition and fees paid for the spring 2020 semester.
Meta announced Wednesday it will end former President Trump’s suspension from Facebook and Instagram, saying the penalty imposed after January 6 was “an extraordinary decision taken in extraordinary circumstances,” and sternly pledging to enforce “certain guardrails” on Trump in the future.
Members of Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church were in for a shock this past Sunday as they were greeted at the doors to the church by an army of state-of-the-art robo-greeters.
A foreign national pleaded guilty Wednesday to a failed attempt at poisoning numerous public officials by mailing threatening letters containing homemade ricin toxins to their homes, including to former President of the United States Donald Trump at the White House in 2020.
While a historic political button suggests that the late Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. once ran for president with pediatrician and author Dr. Benjamin Spock, the two never officially declared their candidacy.
A lengthy email found in Hunter Biden‘s abandoned laptop is raising questions about whether the first son had improper access to classified information.
Worship leaders worldwide were left stunned today after word began to spread that the Lord now regrets including the command "Sing unto the Lord a new song" in His Word after hearing the new songs Christians are currently singing.
Legendary comedian Dave Chappelle recently slammed transgender activists during an episode of his new podcast over a protest they staged at one of his events last year.

HbAD2

House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) slammed a reporter Tuesday evening who pressed him over his decision to keep Reps. Adam Schiff (D-CA) and Eric Swalwell (D-CA) off the Intelligence Committee.
why do any conservatives use far left Google for anything?
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) introduced a bill this week to stop non-citizens from voting in local elections in Washington, D.C.
Our writers spend way too much time writing jokes about how dumb AOC is. So, we are using A.I. to free them up for more important things.
Prices at the pump are on the rise across the country as a result of rising temperatures and surging demand.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top