Local Church Turns To Robo-Greeters To Combat Volunteer Shortage | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PEORIA, IL     Members of Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church were in for a shock this past Sunday as they were greeted at the doors to the church by an army of state-of-the-art robo-greeters.

    The drastic transformation in greeters comes at a time churches across the nation have seen a dramatic drop in volunteers.

    "Greetings, worshipping human lifeforms," buzzed the robo-greeters to nervous congregants who suddenly found themselves missing the awkward human greeters from last week. "We hope you find joy in your Creator through the use of audio amplification and elongated speeches from humans with perfectly-controlled hair follicles."

    The increase in crying babies did not deter the mechanical greeters from seeing that all soft-bodied mammals received a 98.6º welcome and a 3.78 lb handshake.

    Small talk proved difficult for human and robot alike.

    Following the service, all parishioners shoved their way out the back door, but were met in the parking lot by loving, carbon-fiber humanoids wishing them a blessed week.

    At publishing time, attendance at the Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church had seen a bump in the demographic of boys age 5-13, who insisted on seeing dinosaur greeters the following Sunday.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




God Regrets Writing 'Sing To The Lord A New Song' After Hearing The New Songs Christians Are Singing Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics AOC Accuses This ChatGPT Fellow Of Wanting To Date Her


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

After suffering a record-tying 28th straight loss, basketball fans across the country and the other 29 NBA teams voted unanimously to demote the Detroit Pistons to the WNBA.
David Draiman, the lead singer of the heavy metal band Disturbed, paused in the middle of a concert to give an impassioned speech about Israel, saying of Hamas’ claims that they were “freedom fighters,” “Freedom fighters, my f***ing a**.”
The North Carolina Supreme Court heard arguments recently in a lawsuit brought by The Society for the Historical Preservation of the 26th North Carolina Troops against the City of Asheville over the removal of a monument
Independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has secured a spot on the ballots in Arizona and Georgia, according to the political action committee backing his White House bid.
Like many other states, the North Carolina has received a lot of money from the federal government to address the impacts of the corona virus pandemic.
A local wife began training to join her regional women's hockey team when she discovered the grand prize for winners of the National Hockey League is a Stanley Cup.
it is time to prosecture them for election interference

HbAD1

A Chinese national was detained by Immigration and Customs Enforcement after the bust of a massive marijuana operation in rural south Georgia last week.
Felon voting advocates argue in a new court filing that North Carolina's new election law should have no impact on their federal lawsuit.
That is one that was stopped how many weren't stopped
The game show “Jeopardy!,” in which gives contestants must give answers in the form of a question, embraced the woke agenda by including so-called “neo-pronouns” as an answer.
City employing all-of-government effort aimed at finding work for illegal immigrants, emails indicate
Embattled former New York Congressman George Santos has landed on his feet following his ouster from the U.S. House of Representatives, with the announcement that he has been hired as a fact-checker at The New York Times.
Former President Donald Trump won Michigan’s Republican Party presidential primary on Tuesday night, beating former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley by more than 30 points.

HbAD2

New York City Democrat Mayor Eric Adams said this week that illegal alien crime in the city is getting so bad, officials need to look at modifying the city’s sanctuary status so that local law enforcement can cooperate with federal immigration officials to deport violent criminals.
On Thursday, Nov. 2, a group of protesters blocked the Durham Freeway (NC-147), the main artery through Durham and a major connector for the Research Triangle area, during rush hour.
The Tennessee state House passed a bill on Monday that would prohibit the flying of any flag other than the American flag and a few other official flags in public school classrooms, legislation that was sparked by the prevalence of pride flags in recent years.
The Democrat Party remains fractured under Joe Biden. In recent days, the embarrassments of Super Tuesday have continued.
Iranian-backed Houthi terrorists have reportedly destroyed underwater cables between Europe and Asia, causing serious communication disruptions between the two continents.
With news of still more lewd U.S. Congress incidents circulating, a local man reported a mysterious encounter he had in which God agreed to spare the nation's capital from divine destruction if He finds just 10 congressional staffers who have not filmed a gay sex tape in the Capit
Tech giant Apple has reportedly ended its decade-long pursuit to enter the electric vehicle market after spending billions of dollars on the effort known as Project Titan.
US District Judge William Osteen heard nearly three hours of arguments Thursday in state Supreme Court Justice Anita Earls' lawsuit against the North Carolina Judicial Standards Commission.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top