New White House Janitor Günter Hiden Arrives To Clean Up Leftover Cocaine | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     New White House janitor Günter Hiden received high marks for punctuality after arriving early Wednesday to clean up the leftover cocaine that had been previously discovered in the White House's famous West Wing.

    "I've never seen someone so diligent," remarked White House Chief of Staff Jeff Zients. "He discarded all the cocaine in a small plastic bag and then proceeded to scour the entire room to make sure no traces were left behind."

    "What a pro."

    Hiden said only, "Please, I'm no hero. I'm just a humble German immigrant trying to get my hands on some sweet crack. Uh, to clean up!"

    According to sources, the janitor bears a striking resemblance to the president's son Hunter Biden but has a very thick handlebar mustache so it obviously can't be the same person. When questioned, the janitor only said he did not speak English because he is a "poor humble German from Germany." He then advised everyone to leave the White House while he searched the remaining rooms for some fresh powder.

    At publishing time, Günter Hiden was seen leaving the White House with a serious case of the sniffles.

poll#185

Regarding the entrenched Two Tier Justice System's handling of the Cocaine Discovery found near to the Situation Room, in the West Wing of the White House: What is your position on, what Eastern NC NOW has coined, The Cocaine Presidency?

  This is a silly over-concern by over-reactive Republicans.

  Never in the history of the Secret Service's protection of the White House, and its inhabitants, has a dangerous narcotic been found in such a secure location, and then so inadequately investigated.

  Drugs are cool, so I might be the wrong person to ask.

294 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?