D.C. Residents Concerned Crack House On Pennsylvania Avenue Will Drag Down Housing Market | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     Local residents and landlords in the DC area are concerned after rumors surfaced that a nearby home on Pennsylvania Avenue has become a dangerous crack house.

    "It's just not fair. I work hard to maintain my property, only to have real estate values plummet when this riff-raff moves into the neighborhood," said Carla Biggens, the owner of a middle-income apartment building that offers units at the reasonable price of just $15,000 per month. "I always see suspicious people coming and going from that place. It puts us all on edge. Lord knows what kind of shady things are happening there! Yuck!"

    Local authorities confirmed hard drugs were recently found on the premises, but warned they would likely never find the perpetrator because the owner of the crack house pays their salaries. "It's too much to expect corrupt feds like us to do anything about this shady crack house," said a spokesperson for the FBI. "This neighborhood has been going downhill for a long time anyway. There's nothing we can do."

    Residents are being encouraged to take their concerns to the next city council meeting where they will be ignored.

    At publishing time, DC home values had already plummeted to an average of only 12 million dollars.

poll#185

Regarding the entrenched Two Tier Justice System's handling of the Cocaine Discovery found near to the Situation Room, in the West Wing of the White House: What is your position on, what Eastern NC NOW has coined, The Cocaine Presidency?

  This is a silly over-concern by over-reactive Republicans.

  Never in the history of the Secret Service's protection of the White House, and its inhabitants, has a dangerous narcotic been found in such a secure location, and then so inadequately investigated.

  Drugs are cool, so I might be the wrong person to ask.

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