Mike Pence Tries Bold New Strategy Of Alienating The 80 Million People Who Voted For Trump | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    U.S.     In a bold new attempt to win the 2024 election against Biden, candidate Mike Pence has decided to alienate all 80 million voters who voted for Donald Trump.

    "It's about time someone had the courage to say it, so today I will say it: Trump is bad," said Pence to a raucous crowd of 12 seniors in the activity center of Shady Oaks Retirement Home. "If that hurts my chances with the tens of millions of people who voted for him, so be it. I am a stalwart man of integrity. Just look at my kind eyes and serious face."

    Pence then looked directly into the camera with a look of integrity.

    Sources within the Pence campaign confirmed Pence plans to make up the loss in support by courting Biden voters and convincing them he is not a bigoted Nazi fascist homophobe. "We have faith in the virtuous Americans who voted for Biden," said a campaign spokesman. "They will certainly see things our way once Pence has had the chance to talk to them in his comforting evangelical Dad voice and make them see reason."

    Pence also expressed confidence that he would be able to make inroads with the 150 million people who didn't vote in the previous elections, such as babies, illegal immigrants, and Chinese spies posing as university professors.

    "Trump is an existential threat to democracy and an evil person," continued Pence. "I know this from my 4 years of loyally and unquestioningly serving him. Vote for me!"

    At publishing time approximately 100% of Biden voters polled still thought Pence was a bigoted Nazi fascist homophobe.

In the most recent Midterms Election, the "Republican Red Wave" turned out to be a "Republican Red Ripple," which, as in all elections, confounded the political prognosticators of what to expect down the governing /political road: What, and who, do you think is best for this meandering Representative Republic in the near future?
  Because they know how to best allocate the public's money back to the right part of the public, the Democrats will NOW always prevail and get my vote.
  With patriotic pragmatism the cornerstone of the best of the Republican Party, they will ultimately save this Constitutional Republic from self-destruction.
  Since the Executive Branch is so important to turn this Representative Republic around, I am still on Team Trump in 2024.
  Since the nation may need a different path to Conservative patriotism in the Executive, I am joining Team DeSantis.
  Because I am entitled to take the government dole, the prevailing favoritism whenever possible, I will support any, and every Democrat candidate.
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