Newsom Says New Senator Was Most Qualified Candidate In The .00001 Percent Of Population He Chose From | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SACRAMENTO, CA     After being caught off guard by criticism of his selection of Laphonza Butler to replace the late Dianne Feinstein in Congress, California Governor Gavin Newsom defended his choice by saying Butler was the most qualified candidate among the .00001% of the population he was choosing from.

    "Out of all 7 people who fit my criteria, she was the best," Newsom said. "Listen, I cast a very wide net in order to find the most qualified black lesbian political activist who lives in another state I possibly could. All things considered, Laphonza was the obvious choice."

    Newsom reportedly amassed a vast list of all potential candidates who met his narrow criteria before ultimately landing on Butler. Political experts hailed the selection as a triumph. "Such a noble choice," said political analyst Sherri Martel. "Placing such strict requirements really gave the governor such an enormous number of people to choose from. It truly gives the people of California confidence that the very best candidate has been selected to represent their best interests."

    When asked if his criteria were too narrow, Newsom brushed off any criticism. "Don't be ridiculous," he said. "Limiting yourself to only being able to choose a candidate from a ridiculously small pool of options is obviously the best way to yield results. Plus, she's a woman of color, so that's the most important thing. And she's gay! Did I mention that?"

    At publishing time, critics of Newsom's selection were willing to concede that he could have chosen an upturned broom with a bucket for a head and it would have out-performed Dianne Feinstein.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Pope Francis Warns Against Narrow Gate, Says Wide, Broad Road Is Fine Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Dem Congressman: we are not deportting enough people so they keep coming


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

When Natalie Bishop presented a set of matching family shirts to her husband ahead of their trip to Disneyland she knew he'd be on board.
Multiple Los Angeles firefighters were injured on Thursday morning while responding to a fire involving a pressurized cylinder on a semi truck that exploded as they worked to extinguish the flames.
farmers from several countries participated in shutting down EU government
this is indicative of collusion and that Biden is engaged in election interference in GA case
The recommended resources push the "diversity of gender" and discuss the use of puberty blockers on children
On Wednesday, North Carolina Republican US Sen. Ted Budd called for a halt to any humanitarian aid to Gaza until every American hostage, including those from North Carolina, are home safe.
Martin Griffiths, the UN Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs and Emergency Relief Coordinator, insisted that Hamas is not a terrorist group, but rather a “political movement.”
If we keep doing what we've always done, we'll get what we've always gotten

HbAD1

The shooting at the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl parade on Wednesday that killed one person and injured more than 20 others appeared to stem from a personal dispute and had no connection to terrorism, according to the Kansas City, Missouri, Police Department.
Southwest Airlines announced Friday that they have purchased a Boeing C-17 Globemaster widebody cargo aircraft that's capable of transporting your mom.
First-term North Carolina Congressman Jeff Jackson has been redistricted out of his seat, but he isn’t going quietly. Jackson took to TikTok on Thursday to announce his candidacy for the Democratic nomination for state attorney general.
A man convicted of murder in Rochester, New York, has had his conviction overturned due to a legal error committed prior to his trial.
If we keep doing as we've always done, we'll get what we've always gotten
You've heard everyone talk about it. "When you look at the end of the Roman Empire and the current state of America, you can't help but see the parallels!" It's time to dig down and discover just how true that is.
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 on Monday that the Biden administration may cut through or tear down razor wire that the state of Texas has placed along the U.S.-Mexico border as it seeks to stop foreign nationals from illegally crossing into the U.S.

HbAD2

Residents of the Denver, Colorado, suburb of Lakewood lashed out at the city council after it urged city staff to meet with the City of Denver’s staff to discuss possible options for Lakewood to work with Denver on the migrant crisis.
A local couple's first night out together in months got off to a rocky start, as a man took his wife out to dinner at a very expensive restaurant only to be left disappointed after learning the McFlurry machine was broken.
The Russian Military is reportedly working on developing a nuclear weapon to be deployed in space that is being designed to wipe out entire Western satellite networks and knock out communications and military targeting systems, according to U.S. intelligence.
The North Carolina General Assembly has passed three maps for the state House, state Senate, and US Congress, respectively. Redistricting is not subject to a veto from the governor, so the newly passed maps are now law.
Award-winning journalist Catherine Herridge is reportedly one of a number of senior reporters at CBS News caught up in a round of layoffs reportedly rocking Paramount Global.
North Carolina's Rate Bureau has requested for 2024 an annual increase of 42.2%, whereby North Carolina's Insurance Commissioner Mike Causey has exhibited a great willingness to take a firm stand against such an exorbitant increase.
President Joe Biden’s German shepherd has attacked U.S. Secret Service (USSS) personnel dozens of times over the course of Biden’s first term in office.
After viewing Jill Biden's newly-released holiday video, Chinese President Xi ordered the total ground invasion of the United States. According to sources, it was the dancing flower man who finally forced Xi's hand.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top