This Tub Of Expired Hellmann's Mayo And 10 Other Republican Frontrunners For Speaker Of The House

Latest Polls (view all)

Under the cover of Covid, and now in the shadow of the infamous Election Irregularities of that fated 2020 presidential election, with current emerging alleged election fraud in Nevada and Pennsylvania inconveniently slipping into the public discourse, there is proved a colluded ongoing Election Interference in the nomination of the Republican candidate, the likes of which has never occurred in our Constitutional Republic's history, albeit, the question remains: Do you support the plain-sight Election Interference of the Democratic Socialist party, employing its minions in their Propagandistic Media, and their Two Tiered Justice System?

98.88% No, I do not support Election Interference; I am a patriot unto our Constitution.

1.12% Yes, I do support Election Interference; the alternative, Donald Trump, to this mentally diminished president is far worse.

0% "What, me worry" if elections are rigged?

Click Here to Vote
89 Vote(s)

View all Polls

This Tub Of Expired Hellmann's Mayo And 10 Other Republican Frontrunners For Speaker Of The House

Published: Wednesday, October 25th, 2023 @ 7:51 am
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    As the search for the next Speaker of the House of Representatives continues, the American public is starting to wonder who else may be a candidate to fill the important role in the nation's legislative branch. With popular favorite Jim Jordan struggling to muster enough votes, the candidate currently gaining the most momentum in the race is an expired tub of Hellmann's mayonnaise. Historic!

    Hellmann's isn't alone. The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of the other GOP frontrunners:

A tub of expired Crisco: Not as good as the Hellman's mayo, but a solid backup option.
¡Jeb! Bush: Can you say "comeback?" Yeahhhhh, baby!
A talking puppet that says "Yes, spend more money!" when you pull his string: This wouldn't be much of a change from what the country is used to.
Volodymyr Zelensky: The man who really holds the purse strings of the U.S. government would be a solid choice.
An actual jellyfish: There's no one better at losing with dignity.
An inflatable arm-flailing tube man: Nothing better to drum up some excitement in the House.
Taylor Swift: For improved C-SPAN ratings.
David French: What better person to lead the House of Representatives than the man whose righteousness truly exceeds that of the scribes and the Pharisees?
Nancy Pelosi: At this point, might as well.
An actual rhinoceros: No more "RINOs," just go with the real thing.

With any luck, you'll soon see one of the options pounding that gavel and spending that taxpayer money in no time. Best of luck to these stellar candidates.

Go Back