Man Really Hoping FBI Doesn’t See How Much Taylor Swift Is On His Spotify Year In Review | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LITTLE ROCK, AR     A local conservative man was struck by a sudden feeling of dread while checking out his annual "Year in Review" notification from Spotify, believing he would be horribly embarrassed if the knowledge of how prominently Taylor Swift featured in the list were to be obtained by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

    "I don't even know how I would explain this," said Darrel Hankins as he looked through his favorites from 2023. "I mean, look at this. It's almost all Tay-Tay... um, I mean, Taylor Swift. What kind of man could I claim to be if the FBI or any intelligence agencies find this out? Any reputation I have as a strong conservative would be ruined. But, gosh, I just love those songs. You slay, T-Swizzle!"

    The team of FBI agents holed up in a nondescript, unmarked van down the street agreed. "Yeah, he's not the masculine, dangerous patriot we suspected he was," said Agent Vance Gray after eavesdropping on Darrel's comments. "We had reports he is a Christian man, married, has kids, and votes for Republicans. When we intercepted his Spotify 'Year in Review' list, we were surprised, to say the least."

    At publishing time, while still unaware that he has been under FBI surveillance since the COVID-19 pandemic began and he made social media posts expressing skepticism of the vaccine, Darrel was now convinced he would have to change his ways in 2024. "As much as it pains me, no more Taylor Swift next year," he said. "It's got to be all death metal and Jason Aldean from here on out."
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

Oh No: Grandma Just Learned How To 'Like' Text Messages Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Walmart Replaces Smiley Face That Rolls Back Prices With Frowny Face That Rolls Prices Forward


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

given to illegals in Mexico before they even get to US: NGOs connected to Mayorkas
committee gets enough valid signatures to force vote on removing Oakland, CA's Soros DA
other pro-terrorist protests in Chicago shout "Death to America" in Farsi
Only two of the so-called “three Johns” will be competing to replace Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) as leader of the Senate GOP.
House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan (R-OH) is looking into whether GoFundMe and Eventbrite cooperated with federal law enforcement during their investigation into the financial transactions of supporters of former President Donald Trump.
Turkish diplomatic sources say he did


Popularity of government leader crashes, even among his own party members.
Wisconsin voters ban private money, nonprofits from the election process after 2020 ‘Zuckerbucks’ controversy; spotlight now on 22 states that still allow it.
6 month old baby fighting for life after mother killed; policewoman finally arrives, shoots knifeman
Far-left Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was mocked online late on Monday after video of her yelling at pro-Palestinian activists went viral.
Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro, along with hosts Matt Walsh, Andrew Klavan, and company co-founder Jeremy Boreing discussed the state of the 2024 presidential election before President Joe Biden gave his State of the Union address on Thursday.


Lots of elements that have to be dug up with heavy fossil fuel vehicles
Yet again we see the truth in the ole saying, once the camel gets his head under the test ain't no tellin what he will do next
joins West Virginia and Montana in ending Renewable Portfolio standards
good Washington Examiner analysis, but where is RNC on pushing back on this issue?
220 migrants storm border, assault border guards, but all are turned back
. . as feds continue to coverup manifesto of trans shooter at Covenant School
Former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley said this week that the criminal trials against former President Donald Trump should happen before the upcoming elections.


Back to Top