Pastor Baptizes Hulk Hogan But OH NO HULK'S PULLED OFF THE REVERSAL AND BODY SLAMMED HIM INTO THE PEWS | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LARGO, FL     In a stunning act of humility, retired wrestler and two-time WWE Hall of Fame inductee Hulk Hogan went forward during the altar call at Indian Rocks Baptist Church to be baptized - OH NO HULK'S PULLED OFF THE REVERSAL AND BODYSLAMMED THE PASTOR IN THE PEWS! NO ONE COULD SURVIVE THAT!

    "BROTHER, NO ONE SNEAKS UP ON THE HULK LIKE THAT!" Hulk Hogan said. "YOU'RE NOT GETTING BY ME. I HAVE A 32" NECK, A 64" CHEST, AND THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD!"

    Hulk Hogan then climbed to the top of the podium and taunted the crowd before executing a flawless flying elbow drop upon the defenseless pastor and OH IT'S JUST TOO TRAGIC!

    "SEEK AND DESTROY!" said Hulk Hogan as he locked the pastor into a painful armbar. "I'M FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE, BROTHER! I'M FIGHTING FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO REMODELED THEIR LIVES AFTER HULKAMANIA, MAN! I'M NOT THE HULK ANYMORE! I'M THE HULKSTER, MAN! LOOK AT MY EYES, MAN! LOOK AT MY EYES!"

    Hulk Hogan was finally subdued when a deacon came out from backstage with a folding chair and pummeled the suburban commando, knocking him out cold. The pastor and deacon then heaved Hulk Hogan's unconscious body into the water where they baptized him.

    In what some are calling a miraculous experience, Hulk Hogan suddenly opened his eyes and spoke gently to the two men. "Let me tell you, brother. I am now your brother, brother," he said.

    Three people were injured during the incident.
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