Babylon Bee | Eastern NC Now

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

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Where do you stand on the Transgender Issue now that the issue has gotten to the overt point of the open celebration of this lifestyle choice, dictated by certain direct and explicit actions.
88.64% I do not approve of behavior that has within its expressed tenants policies that harm children.
10.23% I do support the Trans Community in all its many facets because diversity is at a premium in today's society.
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Babylon Bee  

Humor in the most unusual of all places - in the politics of our everyday lives.

With The Super Mario Bros. Movie making over $377 million globally in its first weekend alone and a projected strong second weekend from positive word-of-mouth, the franchise kickoff is already shaping up into a juggernaut.
With The Super Mario Bros. Movie making over $377 million globally in its first weekend alone and a projected strong second weekend from positive word-of-mouth, the franchise kickoff is already shaping up into a juggernaut.
 
A historic discovery was made today as a brave adventurer uncovered an internet article long thought to be lost forever underneath layers upon layers of pop-up ads, privacy policies, and newsletter sign-up appeals.
A historic discovery was made today as a brave adventurer uncovered an internet article long thought to be lost forever underneath layers upon layers of pop-up ads, privacy policies, and newsletter sign-up appeals.
 
Despite claims from conservative media pundits that President Joe Biden's tour of Ireland was a disaster due to several verbal gaffes and nonsensical statements, a group of intoxicated Irishmen released a statement saying they were able to understand every word of what Biden said.
Despite claims from conservative media pundits that President Joe Biden's tour of Ireland was a disaster due to several verbal gaffes and nonsensical statements, a group of intoxicated Irishmen released a statement saying they were able to understand every word of what Biden said.
 
Currency experts in both the public and private sectors are now warning all investors to shy away from buying cryptocurrency, declaring it a complex scam hidden beneath a financially precarious investment.
Currency experts in both the public and private sectors are now warning all investors to shy away from buying cryptocurrency, declaring it a complex scam hidden beneath a financially precarious investment.
 
As part of a continued push to project a more inclusive, body-positive message, this year's edition of the iconic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue will feature a walrus wearing a bikini. Decision-makers at the publication are certain the public will love the choice.
As part of a continued push to project a more inclusive, body-positive message, this year's edition of the iconic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue will feature a walrus wearing a bikini. Decision-makers at the publication are certain the public will love the choice.
 
Local parents Tim and Julia Yoder were understandably upset when their 17-year-old daughter Carlie came home drunk last weekend. However, their anger quickly turned to relief upon learning that Carlie had not, in fact, been consuming Bud Light.
Local parents Tim and Julia Yoder were understandably upset when their 17-year-old daughter Carlie came home drunk last weekend. However, their anger quickly turned to relief upon learning that Carlie had not, in fact, been consuming Bud Light.
 
The office of Doctor Rodney Thorne has had a busy week telling patients he is no longer providing gender-affirming care to minors
The office of Doctor Rodney Thorne has had a busy week telling patients he is no longer providing gender-affirming care to minors
 
After legions of Texas feminists were thrown into an uproar over a court ruling prohibiting the sending of abortion pills by mail, Planned Parenthood released a statement assuring people they would begin mailing out loaded handguns instead.
After legions of Texas feminists were thrown into an uproar over a court ruling prohibiting the sending of abortion pills by mail, Planned Parenthood released a statement assuring people they would begin mailing out loaded handguns instead.
 
LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — Due to an increasingly packed daily schedule, a local man was recently forced to start skipping his workouts at night instead of his normal practice of skipping his workouts in the mornings.
LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — Due to an increasingly packed daily schedule, a local man was recently forced to start skipping his workouts at night instead of his normal practice of skipping his workouts in the mornings.
 
There are demons out there, y'all. An entire unseen world doing battle for everyone's souls, and we're just stuck here in the middle of it, eating our ramen noodles and watching reality TV. Just think, you may be possessed by a demon right now and you don't even know it!
There are demons out there, y'all. An entire unseen world doing battle for everyone's souls, and we're just stuck here in the middle of it, eating our ramen noodles and watching reality TV. Just think, you may be possessed by a demon right now and you don't even know it!
 
Disney's live-action remake of The Little Mermaid promises to revitalize the classic with a more diverse cast and crew, as well as the addition of an extended romantic scene that ends with Ariel reviewing and signing a 35-page consent form before Eric is able to "Kiss The Girl."
Disney's live-action remake of The Little Mermaid promises to revitalize the classic with a more diverse cast and crew, as well as the addition of an extended romantic scene that ends with Ariel reviewing and signing a 35-page consent form before Eric is able to "Kiss The Girl."
 
National Public Radio, a government-supported news organization, is vehemently denying "slanderous" accusations that they are national and public.
National Public Radio, a government-supported news organization, is vehemently denying "slanderous" accusations that they are national and public.
 
In brief remarks today regarding the ongoing debate about biological male athletes identifying as females and competing in women's sports, President Joe Biden made sure to specifically thank former soccer star and controversial activist Megan Rapinoe for supporting inclusivity.
In brief remarks today regarding the ongoing debate about biological male athletes identifying as females and competing in women's sports, President Joe Biden made sure to specifically thank former soccer star and controversial activist Megan Rapinoe for supporting inclusivity.
 
A local father has run into a problem familiar to other dads across the country, as by the time he had finished installing a new car seat for his young child, the child had already outgrown it.
A local father has run into a problem familiar to other dads across the country, as by the time he had finished installing a new car seat for his young child, the child had already outgrown it.
 
Deep in the Amazon jungle, a group of progressive Christian missionaries is hard at work spreading the good news of alternative lifestyles to unreached native tribes. The missionaries hope their efforts will bear fruit as they introduce some gay stuff to previously untouched civilizations.
Deep in the Amazon jungle, a group of progressive Christian missionaries is hard at work spreading the good news of alternative lifestyles to unreached native tribes. The missionaries hope their efforts will bear fruit as they introduce some gay stuff to previously untouched civilizations.
 
The Department of Defense is taking unprecedented steps to secure the Pentagon after a massive intel leak put lives in danger around the world. According to sources, officials are hoping they've seen the last of damaging security breaches thanks to their brand-new Ring doorbell.
The Department of Defense is taking unprecedented steps to secure the Pentagon after a massive intel leak put lives in danger around the world. According to sources, officials are hoping they've seen the last of damaging security breaches thanks to their brand-new Ring doorbell.
 
With controversy swirling around Disney's The Little Mermaid reboot and plans to rework the song "Kiss The Girl" to include lyrics about consent, Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle released a statement applauding the changes.
With controversy swirling around Disney's The Little Mermaid reboot and plans to rework the song "Kiss The Girl" to include lyrics about consent, Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle released a statement applauding the changes.
 
Outraged Senate Democrats are calling for the investigation of a local black man who allegedly went on vacation without their permission.
Outraged Senate Democrats are calling for the investigation of a local black man who allegedly went on vacation without their permission.
 
After years of frustration at her husband's inability to pay attention to the brief, three-hour conversations she forced him into, local wife Florence Berph implemented a brilliant new tactic to trick him into listening by starting with, "Welcome to my podcast."
After years of frustration at her husband's inability to pay attention to the brief, three-hour conversations she forced him into, local wife Florence Berph implemented a brilliant new tactic to trick him into listening by starting with, "Welcome to my podcast."
 
Trump, as we all know, is an existential threat to democracy itself! If we don't destroy him, the unparalleled peace and prosperity Biden brought to America will be over for good! Oh no!
Trump, as we all know, is an existential threat to democracy itself! If we don't destroy him, the unparalleled peace and prosperity Biden brought to America will be over for good! Oh no!
 
Amid the controversy surrounding the attack on women's rights activist and NCAA swimming champion Riley Gaines, a new report indicated a burly male trans activist shouted "I'm a victim!" as he punched a woman squarely in the face.
Amid the controversy surrounding the attack on women's rights activist and NCAA swimming champion Riley Gaines, a new report indicated a burly male trans activist shouted "I'm a victim!" as he punched a woman squarely in the face.
 
An unprecedented leak of top-secret U.S. intelligence on the war in Ukraine, military assets, and vital diversity training materials has been traced to its shocking source: an email chain in which President Biden clicked "reply all."
An unprecedented leak of top-secret U.S. intelligence on the war in Ukraine, military assets, and vital diversity training materials has been traced to its shocking source: an email chain in which President Biden clicked "reply all."
 
Prominent figures in the trans movement are now using their voice to tell the whole world that despite being featured on countless billboards, magazines, and movies and being praised by every celebrity, multi-billion-dollar corporation, and millions of leftists, they are actually marginalized
Prominent figures in the trans movement are now using their voice to tell the whole world that despite being featured on countless billboards, magazines, and movies and being praised by every celebrity, multi-billion-dollar corporation, and millions of leftists, they are actually marginalized
 
A local man planned to spend the next several hours searching online for a new cordless drill after his neighbor texted him to ask if he could come over and borrow his current drill, which he would likely keep for the next nine years.
A local man planned to spend the next several hours searching online for a new cordless drill after his neighbor texted him to ask if he could come over and borrow his current drill, which he would likely keep for the next nine years.
 
Reports are flying in of an event that sounds too crazy to be true. In an absolute highlight of his week, local man Jobert Philipps ate a burger alone in the peace and quiet of his car.
Reports are flying in of an event that sounds too crazy to be true. In an absolute highlight of his week, local man Jobert Philipps ate a burger alone in the peace and quiet of his car.
 
As the Glennon family walked into church for Easter service today, they were caught off guard by how different the church looked without Christmas decorations.
As the Glennon family walked into church for Easter service today, they were caught off guard by how different the church looked without Christmas decorations.
 
In the tumultuous wake of Elon Musk taking over Twitter, many Leftists on the platform are reporting a disturbing rise in the number of people they hate being allowed to use speech.
In the tumultuous wake of Elon Musk taking over Twitter, many Leftists on the platform are reporting a disturbing rise in the number of people they hate being allowed to use speech.
 
The Rogers family faced serious persecution upon arrival at church this morning, as a visitor had parked in their usual parking spot.
The Rogers family faced serious persecution upon arrival at church this morning, as a visitor had parked in their usual parking spot.
 
Sources from the Almighty have confirmed that like everything else for the Orthodox, the rapture will also take place one week after the regular rapture.
Sources from the Almighty have confirmed that like everything else for the Orthodox, the rapture will also take place one week after the regular rapture.
 
As conservatives across the nation vowed to no longer drink Budweiser products, people who possess functional taste buds have promised to continue their decades-long boycott of Bud Light as well.
As conservatives across the nation vowed to no longer drink Budweiser products, people who possess functional taste buds have promised to continue their decades-long boycott of Bud Light as well.
 
In the days after disturbing footage surfaced of the Dalai Lama engaging in grossly inappropriate conduct with a child, the Buddhist leader has been inundated with requests from public libraries across the U.S., Canada, and Europe to read to kids in special "Dalai Lama Story Hours."
In the days after disturbing footage surfaced of the Dalai Lama engaging in grossly inappropriate conduct with a child, the Buddhist leader has been inundated with requests from public libraries across the U.S., Canada, and Europe to read to kids in special "Dalai Lama Story Hours."
 
Finding themselves in hot water with Christians and conservatives this week, Anheuser-Busch has extended an olive branch to the Christian community with its new John MacArthur edition of Bud Light.
Finding themselves in hot water with Christians and conservatives this week, Anheuser-Busch has extended an olive branch to the Christian community with its new John MacArthur edition of Bud Light.
 
California Governor Gavin Newsom made a surprise visit to Florida this week, as even he can't stand being in California anymore.
California Governor Gavin Newsom made a surprise visit to Florida this week, as even he can't stand being in California anymore.
 
Transgender visibility took yet another step forward today as Raytheon unveiled its new Patriot missile endorsed by transgender TikTok personality Dylan Mulvaney. President Biden immediately celebrated this new line of missiles, hailing it as a leap forward in lethal diversity.
Transgender visibility took yet another step forward today as Raytheon unveiled its new Patriot missile endorsed by transgender TikTok personality Dylan Mulvaney. President Biden immediately celebrated this new line of missiles, hailing it as a leap forward in lethal diversity.
 
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