Pentagon Secures Against Future Intelligence Leaks By Installing Ring Doorbell | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     The Department of Defense is taking unprecedented steps to secure the Pentagon after a massive intel leak put lives in danger around the world. According to sources, officials are hoping they've seen the last of damaging security breaches thanks to their brand-new Ring doorbell.

    "Ring doorbells represent the pinnacle of security and surveillance technology," said Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin to reporters. "It's a video camera, a microphone, and a doorbell all rolled up into one sleek and stylish package! What's not to love? Try getting past our new Ring, you filthy document-stealing crooks!"

    Sources say that the Ring doorbell was chosen after a 2-year, multi-million-dollar search for security equipment and intense negotiations with the manufacturer. The government ended up acquiring a single $64 Ring doorbell for only $38 billion. "We're hoping to secure a cheaper price to equip other government buildings with the same amazing technology," said Austin. "Once every building has one of these babies, we'll never have to worry about a leak again!"

    At publishing time, the DoD was dealing with yet another leak as they had forgotten to install a Ring doorbell in Biden's garage.