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Democrats have dedicated themselves to finding a new social media platform that will agree to censor damaging stories coming about how they used other social media platforms to censor damaging stories.
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 5:02 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Rookie heavenly angel Raphael unleashed total panic after forgetting to shout "fear not" upon showing himself to a group of Israelites.
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 12:03 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 4:28 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Representative Ilhan Omar arrived at the Capitol today proudly decked out head-to-toe in brand new "Yeezy" gear.
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 4:17 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Garrett Benton has officially spent half of his annual salary paying other people to do the manly things he wishes he could do himself.
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 3:58 am
By: Babylon Bee
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It's important for Christians to live a life of charity, but it's, like, really hard. Wouldn't it be great if you could support the poor without putting any effort or self-sacrifice into it? Now there are ten ways!
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 3:01 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The world waited eagerly for further information on the Hunter Biden laptop story suppression from Twitter owner Elon Musk, who had vowed to reveal the details of potential government collusion with the media
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 2:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Following several years of diligent highlighting during his daily devotions, a local man has soaked every single word in his Bible with layers of neon highlighter and underlining, and now has no idea which Scriptures are inspired and which are optional.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 1:34 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Baal, the ancient Mesopotamian deity described in scripture and demonological textbooks such as Pseudomonarchia Daemonum has distanced itself from Balenciaga after the company's recent scandal.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 12:07 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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QATAR — Todd Ballings, a FIFA referee representing U.S. rule keepers in the 2022 World Cup, is reported to have quietly pulled aside an assistant referee to see if they thought it was too late to admit he doesn't know what offsides is.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 9:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man Alex Harmon tragically passed away this afternoon after reading a tweet that he didn't really agree with.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 9:14 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a move that seems destined to produce both increased interest and controversy, coffee giant Starbucks has announced the start of a new promotion in which customers will receive a free shot of espresso if they are able to correctly guess their barista's gender when ordering
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 5:19 am
By: Babylon Bee
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As distrust in experts reaches record highs across the country, many experts are issuing a dire warning that if you stop listening to them it will make them feel sad.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 4:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker has turned away from his path to the Dark Side after stumbling across Jordan Peterson videos on Youtube and picking up a 12 Rules For Life hologram.
Published: Tuesday, December 6th, 2022 @ 4:06 am
By: Babylon Bee
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It seems like no matter where you look these days, there's some godless communist trying to groom your kids! Don't let it happen!
Published: Monday, December 5th, 2022 @ 2:51 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The Kennel Club‘s annual dog show competition was taken by storm this year by first-ever trans furry competitor Blake Ruff.
Published: Monday, December 5th, 2022 @ 2:15 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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QATAR – Former president Barack Obama was among the millions of Americans who enjoyed watching the United States' thrilling 1-0 victory over Iran in the World Cup.
Published: Monday, December 5th, 2022 @ 12:18 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a stunning announcement, Disney has revealed "The Chosen" will be incorporated into the Marvel Multiverse following a cameo appearance by Deadpool in the show's upcoming third season.
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 10:43 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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As part of a new pledge to "quiet down" the company's aggressive push for progressive themes in its content, returning Disney CEO Bob Iger has revealed the entertainment giant will cut back to including only seven LGTB characters in each children's movie.
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 12:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Amid a storm of controversy over recent antisemitic comments and remarks praising Hitler, Ye West has announced the release of his brand-new album My Struggle.
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 12:25 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Over the past few weeks, Ben Shapiro has created video responses to Kanye "Ye" West's anti-semitic statements, causing West to direct tweets at the conservative commentator.
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 10:52 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Chad Pullman, 39, slipped into a deep depression Monday after finishing off the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. Doctors say he has been unable to leave his bedroom for two days.
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 9:38 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Social media gets a bad rap these days, but did you know there are tremendous health benefits to scrolling endlessly on social media and interacting with hostile strangers for hours on end?
Published: Sunday, December 4th, 2022 @ 1:05 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A spokesman for Santa's Workshop today announced the organization's latest advance in their ongoing efforts to determine who's naughty and who's nice
Published: Friday, December 2nd, 2022 @ 6:07 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Apple CEO Tim Cook confirmed this morning that he's prepared to remove the Twitter app from the App Store but that he's waiting for orders from CCP President Xi before he makes a move.
Published: Friday, December 2nd, 2022 @ 8:40 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Balenciaga is facing a wave of online criticism after a MyPillow pillow was spotted in the background of one of the company's photo shoots for its winter collection. The CEO of MyPillow Mike Lindell is known for his strong support of Donald Trump.
Published: Friday, December 2nd, 2022 @ 7:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources, thousands of right-wing, anti-science extremists have converged in Shanghai to protest Chinese President Xi's common sense COVID restrictions.
Published: Thursday, December 1st, 2022 @ 10:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Congress is set to come together and vote on the Respect For Giant Golden Statue Of Nebuchadnezzar Act, or the RFGGSON Act for short.
Published: Wednesday, November 30th, 2022 @ 10:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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What a year 2022 has been! We have so much to be thankful for at the Bee. The world may be a roiling cauldron of hellish insanity sliding into oblivion, but it's a funny roiling cauldron of hellish insanity sliding into oblivion!
Published: Wednesday, November 30th, 2022 @ 10:22 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In a powerful statement on women's reproductive rights, a local family has added a Planned Parenthood location to their elaborate Christmas village display.
Published: Wednesday, November 30th, 2022 @ 1:48 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local man is celebrating after his bathroom scale confirmed he had met his ambitious fitness goal of gaining only 9 pounds over the Thanksgiving weekend.
Published: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 @ 10:28 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Davis Patterson, a bystander during a shooting that left a dozen dead, has been arrested for misgendering the shooter, Blake Jacobson, who is non-binary.
Published: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 @ 10:28 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Wondering why people actually still vote for Democrats? Believe it or not, there are still Democrat voters out there and we've compiled their top reasons for doing so!
Published: Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 @ 5:34 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Everyone agrees soccer is boring and America needs to fix it, but how? Here are ten simple ways to make soccer interesting, since the rest of the planet apparently remains intent on making us watch it every four years.
Published: Monday, November 28th, 2022 @ 9:59 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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