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In an inspiring story from the world of professional cycling, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist has crushed all the regular bicyclists, setting an unbelievable world record.
In an inspiring story from the world of professional cycling, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist has crushed all the regular bicyclists, setting an unbelievable world record.
 
In a move to help alleviate pain at the pump, the Biden Administration has announced a $1 billion initiative to provide grief and trauma counselors to stand by at all gas pumps across the nation.
In a move to help alleviate pain at the pump, the Biden Administration has announced a $1 billion initiative to provide grief and trauma counselors to stand by at all gas pumps across the nation.
 
BOSTON, MA—According to sources, a local man with over 337 hours logged in Elden Ring has leveled serious criticism against organized religion, calling it the "opiate of the masses."
BOSTON, MA—According to sources, a local man with over 337 hours logged in Elden Ring has leveled serious criticism against organized religion, calling it the "opiate of the masses."
 
The January 6 Committee has called its first star witness of the night, Jimmy Kimmel.
The January 6 Committee has called its first star witness of the night, Jimmy Kimmel.
 
The Loudoun County school district has announced a series of camps and summer programs for students who require additional grooming during the break.
The Loudoun County school district has announced a series of camps and summer programs for students who require additional grooming during the break.
 
Thousands of American women have embarked on an annual summer pilgrimage to Magnolia Market at the Silos to hunt for what they say are divinely inspired decor and bath products across the site's retail shops.
Thousands of American women have embarked on an annual summer pilgrimage to Magnolia Market at the Silos to hunt for what they say are divinely inspired decor and bath products across the site's retail shops.
 
Conservatives are calling for a return to traditional strip clubs with no kids or drag queens present, marking a dramatic departure from modern sensibilities in favor of the simple old-fashioned deviancy they're used to.
Conservatives are calling for a return to traditional strip clubs with no kids or drag queens present, marking a dramatic departure from modern sensibilities in favor of the simple old-fashioned deviancy they're used to.
 
The world has been trying to rip off Christianity for thousands of years with wacky false idols and soap opera quality greek mythology. Frankly, it's embarrassing.
The world has been trying to rip off Christianity for thousands of years with wacky false idols and soap opera quality greek mythology. Frankly, it's embarrassing.
 
The nation is abuzz with anticipation of the televised January 6 Committee hearing making its prime time debut at 8 p.m. ET.
The nation is abuzz with anticipation of the televised January 6 Committee hearing making its prime time debut at 8 p.m. ET.
 
A shocking new discovery has reportedly shattered what everyone thought they knew about the biblical tale of Cain and Abel by suggesting Cain's rejected offering to the Lord God was none other than kale.
A shocking new discovery has reportedly shattered what everyone thought they knew about the biblical tale of Cain and Abel by suggesting Cain's rejected offering to the Lord God was none other than kale.
 
Excitement across the nation has reached a fever pitch as the famed Powerball Lottery jackpot reached the staggering sum of two tanks of gas.
Excitement across the nation has reached a fever pitch as the famed Powerball Lottery jackpot reached the staggering sum of two tanks of gas.
 
With a run time of one-and-a-half minutes, new release Top Gun: Predator shows a drone completing the exact same mission as in Maverick, but way faster.
With a run time of one-and-a-half minutes, new release Top Gun: Predator shows a drone completing the exact same mission as in Maverick, but way faster.
 
When his bi-weekly sedan fill-up exceeded $120 for the 10th time, local man Matthew Standridge found himself wondering if the Jan 6 “insurrection” was really such a tragedy.
When his bi-weekly sedan fill-up exceeded $120 for the 10th time, local man Matthew Standridge found himself wondering if the Jan 6 “insurrection” was really such a tragedy.
 
The Meebleton family was enjoying their Sunday morning tradition of burning pancakes and spilling the syrup when husband, Ron, did his part to get the family ready for church by shouting, "Kids, it's time to get ready for church!"
The Meebleton family was enjoying their Sunday morning tradition of burning pancakes and spilling the syrup when husband, Ron, did his part to get the family ready for church by shouting, "Kids, it's time to get ready for church!"
 
Police arrested a tomahawk-wielding Cherokee Indian hiding in the bushes outside Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh's home this week.
Police arrested a tomahawk-wielding Cherokee Indian hiding in the bushes outside Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh's home this week.
 
Father's Day is fast approaching. If you want to support the patriarchy you're going to pony up the cash to honor your father or he'll think you don't care! Manly gifts only!
Father's Day is fast approaching. If you want to support the patriarchy you're going to pony up the cash to honor your father or he'll think you don't care! Manly gifts only!
 
Melma Dultrup, a local gas station cashier and purveyor of bored facial expressions, had just finished approving a loan for a family wanting to fill a tank of gas when a man approached and placed a small pack of Juicy Fruit™ gum on the counter.
Melma Dultrup, a local gas station cashier and purveyor of bored facial expressions, had just finished approving a loan for a family wanting to fill a tank of gas when a man approached and placed a small pack of Juicy Fruit™ gum on the counter.
 
Thousands of teachers who are out of work or on summer break are being forced to frequent playgrounds and shout their sexual preferences to random kids, as they no longer have a classroom full of captive listeners to discuss their queerness with.
Thousands of teachers who are out of work or on summer break are being forced to frequent playgrounds and shout their sexual preferences to random kids, as they no longer have a classroom full of captive listeners to discuss their queerness with.
 
A young child was stung by a fish Tuesday while frolicking through a meadow in Yosemite National Park. The three-year-old girl, daughter of George and Shelly Quicken, allegedly provoked the wild fish when she began picking flowers for her mother.
A young child was stung by a fish Tuesday while frolicking through a meadow in Yosemite National Park. The three-year-old girl, daughter of George and Shelly Quicken, allegedly provoked the wild fish when she began picking flowers for her mother.
 
A protocol droid acquired to assist White House staffers in interpreting statements from President Biden struggled mightily in its first day on the job, in spite of being fluent in every form of communication in the known galaxy.
A protocol droid acquired to assist White House staffers in interpreting statements from President Biden struggled mightily in its first day on the job, in spite of being fluent in every form of communication in the known galaxy.
 
U.S.—A new study has found a connection between having thousands of unread emails and your likelihood of becoming a serial killer.
U.S.—A new study has found a connection between having thousands of unread emails and your likelihood of becoming a serial killer.
 
Colin Kaepernick has made his way back into the NFL as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the team's first African American Transgender Poly-Bi Cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games.
Colin Kaepernick has made his way back into the NFL as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the team's first African American Transgender Poly-Bi Cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games.
 
Some things about Donald Trump are common knowledge. For example, he's everyone's favorite President of the United States. Duh! But you may be surprised to find there are many things you still don't know!
Some things about Donald Trump are common knowledge. For example, he's everyone's favorite President of the United States. Duh! But you may be surprised to find there are many things you still don't know!
 
Citing an objective poll of everyday Americans who work as CNN executives or Democrat tacticians, CNN has announced a strategic rebranding to JAN6NN, citing the vital significance of what occurred on that fateful day in 2021.
Citing an objective poll of everyday Americans who work as CNN executives or Democrat tacticians, CNN has announced a strategic rebranding to JAN6NN, citing the vital significance of what occurred on that fateful day in 2021.
 
An embarrassing crime wave has taken Toronto by storm as criminals, emboldened by Canada's ban on handguns, have begun holding up businesses armed with nothing but finger guns.
An embarrassing crime wave has taken Toronto by storm as criminals, emboldened by Canada's ban on handguns, have begun holding up businesses armed with nothing but finger guns.
 
Last week, Biden proudly announced he had authorized an emergency charter flight carrying 3.7 bottles of much-needed infant formula to the states.
Last week, Biden proudly announced he had authorized an emergency charter flight carrying 3.7 bottles of much-needed infant formula to the states.
 
In a tragic case out of political news outlet and razor sales firm the Daily Wire this week, Matt Walsh released his documentary, What Is A Woman?
In a tragic case out of political news outlet and razor sales firm the Daily Wire this week, Matt Walsh released his documentary, What Is A Woman?
 
Emperor Palpatine's office has announced the construction of a bigger and even more powerful Death Star equipped with a 9mm. The Death Star's blast is said to be so powerful it can blow the core out of a planet.
Emperor Palpatine's office has announced the construction of a bigger and even more powerful Death Star equipped with a 9mm. The Death Star's blast is said to be so powerful it can blow the core out of a planet.
 
Chick-fil-A has finally come around to celebrating pride month this year. The fast-food company has announced that throughout June, all waffle fries will be covered in salt from Lot's wife.
Chick-fil-A has finally come around to celebrating pride month this year. The fast-food company has announced that throughout June, all waffle fries will be covered in salt from Lot's wife.
 
Uh oh! You just came across something incriminating about Hillary Clinton! Whatever you do, don't go to the press! They know everything anyway. Trust no one!
Uh oh! You just came across something incriminating about Hillary Clinton! Whatever you do, don't go to the press! They know everything anyway. Trust no one!
 
According to White House sources, President Biden tuned in to the latest White House press conference this afternoon in an attempt to find out what his policy positions are.
According to White House sources, President Biden tuned in to the latest White House press conference this afternoon in an attempt to find out what his policy positions are.
 
Well, [latest Marvel movie] is out, and if there's something we can say about it, it's that it's a movie where things happen, heroes punch bad guys, and sometimes there are jokes.
Well, [latest Marvel movie] is out, and if there's something we can say about it, it's that it's a movie where things happen, heroes punch bad guys, and sometimes there are jokes.
 
In a moment of existential dread, the nation's podcast hosts all suddenly realized that all they do is bring on other podcast hosts and interview them about each other's podcasts.
In a moment of existential dread, the nation's podcast hosts all suddenly realized that all they do is bring on other podcast hosts and interview them about each other's podcasts.
 
Following their sermon series tour in synagogues throughout Judea and Samaria, the apostles have come under fire for their message. Critics say that they have yet to publicly repent of their internalized whiteness, instead preaching “repentance of sin.”
Following their sermon series tour in synagogues throughout Judea and Samaria, the apostles have come under fire for their message. Critics say that they have yet to publicly repent of their internalized whiteness, instead preaching “repentance of sin.”
 
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