12 Job Alternatives For Soon To Be Fired Twitter Content Moderators

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In the shadow of the political assassination of Charlie Kirk, founder of Turning USA, a stain now exists upon our nation's collective conscious, a condition that must be excised, or our nation will not function properly as one of a self-governed people. Understanding these long standing truths: What would you suggest as a quick, and, or proper corrective measure?

12.5% Destroy the Fascist Donald Trump and all of MAGA, because America must never be Great Again.

87.5% Our self-governed people, and their properly restored institutions, under President Trump, must discover the root causes to properly correct, and save our Constitutional Republic.

0% I thought we had to shut down Free Speech we don't like to save our "democracy," so I am totally confused now.

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12 Job Alternatives For Soon To Be Fired Twitter Content Moderators

Published: Saturday, May 7th, 2022 @ 2:48 pm
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Twitter will be going through some changes in the coming weeks as it transitions from a thought police enforcement zone to an actual social media platform. One big change will be the removal of employees who don't understand the difference between disagreement and hate speech. But don't worry! We see you and we hear you, former Twitter employees!

    Here are some new jobs that fit your expansive skillset:

    1) White House Press Secretary: Wow! What a prestigious position! Too bad there can be only one. You'll have to fight it out with your several hundred colleagues for this one.

    2) Person who dresses up as the Easter Bunny to secretly run the country: What little boy, girl, or non-binary "they" hasn't dreamed of growing up to be a shadow president in an uncomfortable costume?

    3) North Korean General: This job is just so perfect for you.

    4) Jr. Pronoun Enforcer at your local middle school: Sorry, no internet anonymity this time. You'll have to call MAGA hat-wearing Suzy Mayworth a gender racist to her face.

    5) The person at Pfizer who pays test subjects to keep quiet: Meet interesting people with strange and exotic new mutations!

    6) Elite Hacker for Chinese State Media: It's a full-time job deleting pictures of Tiananmen Square from the Internet. Job security! Nice!

    7) Cashier for the CNN+ "Going Out Of Business Extravaganza!": This is a temporary position.

    8) Chief of Staff to the Vice President: Also a temporary position.

    9) Disney Groomer: You're probably already doing this for free. Why not get paid?

    10) Clown: Be the Bozo you were born to be!

    11) Tesla Parking Attendant at Twitter HQ: The new Twitter overlord is most merciful.

    12) Chinese Movie Editing: It's like normal movie editing but you cut out all the LGBT content from Hollywood films. It's censorship in the other direction. You got this!

    Or just go work at Google I guess.

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