Report: Perfect Parking Spot Right Up Front! UPDATE: Gah Friggin Motorcycle | Beaufort County Now | A new report filed by the U.S. Department of Transportation finds that each and every time a motorist gets excited about a perfect parking spot at the front of a parking lot it turns out to be a "friggin' motorcycle."

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     A new report filed by the U.S. Department of Transportation finds that each and every time a motorist gets excited about a perfect parking spot at the front of a parking lot it turns out to be a "friggin' motorcycle."

    "Hey, here's one-GAH! A FRIGGIN' MOTORCYCLE!" shouted Norman Dodgson, a volunteer who agreed to drive with researchers for six months. "I hate this! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!"

    The phenomenon-dubbed "Interstitial Motor Mirage" by researchers-occurs in crowded parking lots when drivers are most desperate for a space. Because motorcycles don't sit back in a space as far as full-sized vehicles the spot can appear empty and ripe for the taking.

    In a majority of cases, the driver will not notice the space is occupied until after they've bragged to other vehicle occupants about how they just found a perfect spot before realizing their mistake and exclaiming: "GAH! A FRIGGIN' MOTORCYCLE!"

    According to researchers, Interstitial Motor Mirage affects all drivers, even other motorcycle owners.

    "UGGGGGGH!" wailed Charlie "Dasher" Bowman, a tough guy on a Harley Davidson who often shopped at Bed Bath & Beyond. "Another friggin' motorcycle! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

    Drivers who think they see a great parking spot and have their hopes immediately crushed are susceptible to fits of road rage, heart arrhythmia, and even death, say experts. In fact, DoT has filed a supplemental report on the researchers who died during the study.

    In some rare cases, smaller vehicles can also cause Interstitial Motor Mirage-particularly the 1997 Geo Metro.
Go Back


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Have you heard the latest? Uncle Joe is attempting to appropriate billions of dollars to a program designed to mandate that CRT is taught across the nation in OUR public schools.
Saule Omarova, Democrat President Joe Biden’s nominee for comptroller of the currency, has withdrawn her name from consideration for the position after facing increasing opposition to nomination over allegations that she was a Marxist.
The Federal Reserve announced an increase in interest rates Wednesday afternoon, boosting the cost of borrowing money by 0.75%, the largest increase in a single meeting in nearly 30 years.
Clarence Thomas tells us what we need to be working toward
Politicians in Washington are growing increasingly nervous, as the CDC has announced they have discovered the first case of Lizardpox on American shores.
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said on Sunday that suspending gas taxes is “certainly worth considering” amid rising energy prices.
Australia reportedly will not send officials to the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, China, in response to the communist nation’s genocide against religious minorities.
To what extent can a selective educational institution advantage certain racial groups in admissions decisions without discriminating against other groups simultaneously?
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen on Sunday blamed global factors for Americans’ spiraling purchasing power and declared a recession is “not at all inevitable,” despite a growing consensus the U.S. could soon find out one is already underway.


With the price of food skyrocketing and the value of Bitcoin plummeting, McDonald's restaurants across the world have rolled out a new value menu in which all items cost only 1 Bitcoin.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) slammed President Joe Biden during a speech on the Senate floor Tuesday over the unfolding crisis in Ukraine. Tens of thousands of Russian soldiers have been amassing near its border in what experts warn might be a prelude to an invasion.
The North Carolina State Health Plan and the National Academy for State Health Policy Find that North Carolina's Dominant Hospital Systems Recorded Billions of Dollars in Profits After Taking Taxpayer-Funded COVID Relief
Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL) got some unexpected praise late this week from media personality Bill Maher, who insisted that DeSantis would be better than former President Donald Trump.
Milestone Air Quality Legislation Paved Way for Significant Environmental and Clean Energy Efforts
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki took a shot at Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) during Tuesday’s press briefing over remarks that Ocasio-Cortez made about organized retail theft incidents that have plagued several major Democrat-controlled cities in recent weeks.
The United States of America has edged closer and closer to the Leftist maxim of "Abortion on Demand" whenever it is demanded, by whomever demands it, but now that ease of operation to alleviate oneself of that nagging little problem has come to a screeching halt.


the perverts are sexually grooming children with these drag queen events
The Department of Justice (DOJ) apparently blocked Republican senators from questioning a U.S. attorney on an ongoing federal investigation into President Joe Biden’s son, Hunter.
North Carolina Democratic Gov. Roy Cooper signed three bills into law yesterday, June 14, including one that legalizes FDA-approved THC medications.
SpaceX employees circulated an open letter criticizing CEO Elon Musk for his “behavior in the public sphere.” Those employees now find themselves out of a job, according to a Friday report from The New York Times.
there is one of the 14 RINOs who still faces a Senate primary


Back to Top