Going To College? Here's What You Need To Pack For The Fall Semester In Order To Survive

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Going To College? Here's What You Need To Pack For The Fall Semester In Order To Survive

Published: Friday, July 8th, 2022 @ 8:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Are you registering for classes for the upcoming fall semester at a prestigious and expensive university? You'll need to prepare for a cutthroat world of higher education and poverty that's in store for you.

    Here is a definitive list of items you must take to college with you:

Extra internal organs to trade for tuition: One kidney alone will cover 3 credit hours!
$8,000 cash: For books! Oh, you thought your tuition covered books? AHAHAHAHA!
Extra change of pronouns: No one uses he/him or she/her anymore. Get with it!
Several changes of extremely ugly, unattractive clothing: So you'll fit in with all the other GenZ kids.
Contraband Jordan Peterson videos to secretly share with your friends: Whatever you do, do NOT get caught with these!
Cat ears for some reason: Everyone's doing it.
Acoustic guitar and ability to play one song: Everyone will love you!
Small fan, reusable water bottle, pencil case, and durable book bag: To sell for beer money.
Magneto helmet to keep professors out of your head: Helmet hair isn't a problem because you'll never want to take it off. Ever.
#2 pencil: To poke your eyes out during the cafeteria's drag show.
A completely new identity for when you first get canceled for telling a politically incorrect joke on social media: No one is immune.