Scholars Uncover Lost Final Verse Of Leviticus: ‘So Anyway, All That To Say, Here’s A Killer Oatmeal Cookie Recipe’ | Eastern North Carolina Now | Biblical scholars have at last uncovered a missing verse from the end of the book of Leviticus that reads: ‘So Anyway, All That To Say, Here's A Killer Oatmeal Cookie Recipe'.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ISRAEL     Biblical scholars have at last uncovered a missing verse from the end of the book of Leviticus that reads: 'So Anyway, All That To Say, Here's A Killer Oatmeal Cookie Recipe'. Scholars now believe that this new verse puts the rest of the book into perspective as a lengthy buildup to how to make some tasty treats.

    "It all makes sense now! After listing ritual after ritual followed by very detailed descriptions of what's clean and unclean, and going on for 27 chapters - I finally see Leviticus clearly: it is an ancient food blogger building up hype and giving endless backstory before sharing their famous recipe," said biblical scholar Gary Thrunkfield. "How could we have been so blind? Of course you save the best parts for last if you want to retain readership and maximize ad revenue!"

    Mr. Thrunkfield continued, "It's the classic food blogger formula: tease that there's something extraordinary at the end, and then spend page after page dragging things out telling you their life's story. Before you learn how to make delicious cookies they have to talk about how they escaped from Egypt, wandered in the dessert for 40 years, how they disobeyed God, and what they're doing now to fix it. And then finally, with suffieicient backstory at last they divulge their secret cookie recipe."

    According to sources, some scholars now believe that Leviticus was all preparation for the proper hygiene before making these divine oatmeal cookies. "These aren't just any old cookies," added Gary Thrunkfield. "You can't just wash your hands real quick and bake these bad boys. You need 2 weeks to get clean, first!"

    At publishing time, all those who doubted the validity of the new verse had their minds changed immediately once they took one bite of the heavenly oatmeal cookies.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




I'll Dispense Soap When I'm Good And Ready - Op-Ed By Automatic Soap Dispenser Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics The only two letters that matter


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

The U.S. Military unveiled its new strategic long-range stealth bomber this week, Northrop Grumman’s B-21 Raider, which will serve as the backbone of the future for U.S. air power for decades to come.
Treasurer Folwell, Local Government Commission Praise Turnaround, Hand Keys Back to Town
The majority of COVID-19 deaths are now happening in people who are vaccinated, according to a new analysis.
Democrats have dedicated themselves to finding a new social media platform that will agree to censor damaging stories coming about how they used other social media platforms to censor damaging stories.
Actor James Woods praised Twitter CEO Elon Musk during an interview Friday night, saying that Musk quite possibly “saved America” by releasing internal company documents showing how former employees censored conservatives and a story about President Joe Biden’s son.
If you are hosting Thanksgiving this year, you can expect to pay much more for your feast. Nearly all your favorite ingredients will have increased in price since last year.
Twitter CEO Elon Musk released internal company documents through journalist Matt Taibbi about the company's censorship of the Hunter Biden laptop story during the 2020 presidential election that showed that top officials at the company were in regular contact with Democrats.
As “Drag Queen Story Hour” events sweep the nation, two ministers are exhorting fellow Christian men to bring “Pastor Story Hour” to their local public libraries.

HbAD1

On Monday Nov. 7, U.S. Attorney of the Eastern District of North Carolina federal court Michael Easley announced that an assistant U.S. Attorney, Susan Menzer, would serve as a district election officer (DEO).
Sen. Raphael Warnock (D-GA) has defeated Republican challenger Herschel Walker in Georgia’s 2022 Senate runoff election. DecisionDeskHQ called the race at approximately 9:48 p.m.
Months after becoming Twitter’s deputy general counsel, former top FBI lawyer James Baker appeared to support the social media site’s move to suppress the New York Post’s report on Hunter Biden’s laptop in the run-up to the 2020 presidential election
Rookie heavenly angel Raphael unleashed total panic after forgetting to shout "fear not" upon showing himself to a group of Israelites.
A Georgia judge overturned a state law Tuesday that bans abortions of unborn children with a heartbeat at six weeks gestational age.
The U.S. solicitor general will take part in U.S. Supreme Court oral arguments next month in Moore v. Harper. It's a case dealing with a dispute over North Carolina's congressional election map.
Kid Rock slammed “dumb liberals” who he said have moved to red states and brought their “effing politics” with them as he mounts an effort to prevent the former home of late-legendary country music star Hank Williams from being destroyed.

HbAD2

Twitter CEO Elon Musk released information through journalist Matt Taibbi Friday afternoon showing that Twitter was working in conjunction with then-Democrat presidential candidate Joe Biden’s team, removing tweets that team Biden wanted deleted.
As a youth growing up in a United States of America that understood the pain of sacrifice, the remembrance of Pearl Harbor was an annual event.
How a coastal North Carolina city became the site of America’s only coup d’etat
Democrats have voted to put South Carolina first in the Democratic primary schedule and move Georgia and Michigan up to be included in the early voting states, according to reporting from the Associated Press.
A coalition of charter-school advocacy organizations has filed a lawsuit in federal court seeking to block new restrictions on charter schools imposed by the Biden administration
Former Secretary of State and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton criticized recent pro-life wins, comparing actions that protect unborn life to those in countries around the world where women’s rights have historically been severely restricted.
Former President Donald Trump is asking a federal judge to force the Department of Justice (DOJ) to turn over an unredacted copy of the FBI affidavit used to justify a raid on Trump’s Florida residence.
After the men's national team was dealt a crushing 1-3 loss by the Netherlands, the United States expressed deep relief to no longer have to go on pretending to like soccer.
Teenagers’ brains were physically altered and aged at an accelerated rate during the COVID lockdowns, according to a Stanford University study published Thursday.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top