Man Celebrates 40th Birthday With Finely-Aged, Single Malt Bottle Of Advil | Eastern North Carolina Now | Mr. Charles Reginald celebrated his 40th birthday in style today, cracking open a finely aged, single malt bottle of Advil.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    LANSING, MI     Mr. Charles Reginald celebrated his 40th birthday in style today, cracking open a finely aged, single malt bottle of Advil.

    "Ah, sweet relief - and with pleasant notes of oak and orange peel," said Mr. Reginald as he tore open the seal. "Mm, this will pair perfectly with my new orthotic back pillow."

    A frequent purveyor of fine non-steroidals, Mr. Reginald had saved this particular bottle of Advil for a special occasion. "This is truly a rare find," he explained, settling onto his heating pad. "This ibuprofen has been aged for 12 years in plastic bottles that come exclusively from the lower Appalachian region of West Virginia. You can really taste the terrain."

    After years of celebrating birthdays with golf outings and dinners, Mr. Reginald has opted for a different theme this year. "He asked to start the day with breakfast in bed, because he literally couldn't move," said Mrs. Reginald. "He eventually did make it the couch to watch some baseball, and spent the next three hours snoring like a freight train. Birthdays are starting to look just a tad different."

    Buzzing hard on his Advil, at publishing time Mr. Reginald was delightedly walking around the house like a functional human.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




America Recommends Kim Jong-Un Test Nukes On Astros-Phillies World Series Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Op-Ed: Citizens Being Able To Vote The Ruling Party Out Of Power Is The End Of Democracy


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

We trust our readers to make their own conclusions. We'd love to hear what you think
A spokesman for Santa's Workshop today announced the organization's latest advance in their ongoing efforts to determine who's naughty and who's nice
demands federal government pays it to all, costing billions
Vice President Kamala Harris is spearheading a White House initiative to electrify the nation’s school buses, the administration announced Wednesday.
politization of leadership is biggest public concern
Twitter CEO Elon Musk said Monday that he will soon be releasing files on how the social media platform has engaged in suppressing free speech.
In the age of wokeness, ideological (re)education trumps mission-preparedness.
A new book alleges that after Ted Kennedy left his car and his passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne, in a pond off of Chappaquiddick Island, where Kopechne drowned, he returned to the party they had attended and told his close friends he wanted to say Kopechne was driving the car.
Hawaii’s largest active volcano began erupting Sunday night, with lava flow warnings issued to the surrounding area.

HbAD1

Apple CEO Tim Cook confirmed this morning that he's prepared to remove the Twitter app from the App Store but that he's waiting for orders from CCP President Xi before he makes a move.
A wave of Twitter users began impersonating government officials and major corporations after Elon Musk introduced a new scheme for verifying users on the platform.
In a dramatic ruling issued just days before midterm elections, the North Carolina Supreme Court upheld a lower court’s ruling and ordered the transfer of millions of dollars to pay for a school improvement plan designed to ensure North Carolina’s school children receive a sound basic education
Chest reconstruction surgeries performed on minors across the United States increased by approximately 400% during a three-year span, according to a new report.
bill would subsidize MSM, leave out conservative media
Christine McVie, the English singer-songwriter who helped launch the rock band Fleetwood Mac into international fame, has died. She was 79.
Research suggests that certain octopuses deliberately throw objects like silt, sand, and shells at other octopuses.
Balenciaga is facing a wave of online criticism after a MyPillow pillow was spotted in the background of one of the company's photo shoots for its winter collection. The CEO of MyPillow Mike Lindell is known for his strong support of Donald Trump.

HbAD2

Charges against the CEO of an election technology company have been dismissed after Los Angeles County prosecutors found “potential bias” in an investigation.
Twitter CEO Musk promises, 'Twitter 2.0 will be far more effective, transparent and even-handed'
Actor Ralph Fiennes made it clear that he stood with “Harry Potter” creator J.K. Rowling, decrying the verbal abuse directed at her in recent months as “appalling” and “disgusting.”
Until the last weeks of the election, polls consistently showed Republican U.S. Rep. Ted Budd and Democrat former state Supreme Court Chief Justice Cheri Beasley in a dead heat for North Carolina’s open U.S. Senate seat
Twitter employees circulated a list of demands on Monday, calling on billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk to address their concerns when he completes his purchase of the social media platform.
According to sources, thousands of right-wing, anti-science extremists have converged in Shanghai to protest Chinese President Xi's common sense COVID restrictions.
A video of a young Meta employee enjoying company perks and not appearing to do much work has gone viral and drawn online mockery just as company founder Mark Zuckerberg faces pressure from investors to cut headcount.
Not talking reindeer games here. Talking about the political gamesmanship already beginning in the congress.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top