McCarthy Calls Grocery Store To Order 15th 'Congratulations Mr. Speaker' Cake | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     After fourteen frantic cancellations, Representative Kevin McCarthy called the Capitol Supermarket late Friday night to order a fifteenth "Congratulations Mr. Speaker" celebratory cake.

    "Hey, it's me again," said Mr. McCarthy. "Yes, the bakery department, of course. No, it's for real this time! I promise!"

    Sources say that the head baker at the Capitol Supermarket was loath to make a fifteenth cake, having grown weary of the proverbial "boy who cried speaker". "Yeah, sure you've got it this time. I totally believe you," said Mr. Hollins, the head baker. "I'm going to get straight to work on it, can't you hear me mixing?" asked Mr. Hollins, while banging together some measuring cups.

    Mr. McCarthy had also alerted aides to ready the confetti poppers and order his cherished Five Guys cheeseburger for the fifteenth time. "We can't even walk in the office anymore, it's so covered in confetti," said current intern Marci Combs. "And do you have any idea what our tab is already at fourteen orders of Five Guys? We're going to have to raise the debt ceiling if this goes on any longer."

    At publishing time, the bakery had reportedly declined a 734th "Congrats Governor" cake from some number in Georgia.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

why do any conservatives use far left Google for anything?
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) introduced a bill this week to stop non-citizens from voting in local elections in Washington, D.C.
Our writers spend way too much time writing jokes about how dumb AOC is. So, we are using A.I. to free them up for more important things.
Prices at the pump are on the rise across the country as a result of rising temperatures and surging demand.
Professional development grants awarded to teachers in Cumberland, Forsyth, Franklin, Mecklenburg, and Wake Counties
Actor Jeremy Renner’s life-threatening injuries suffered on New Year’s Day from his 14,000-pound snowplow came as a result of a heroic effort to save his nephew.

HbAD1

The Walt Disney Company caved to a righteous outcry of public pressure when it gutted beloved log flume attraction Splash Mountain, replacing any reference to its controversial film Song of the South in favor of The Princess and the Frog — a movie starring an African American princess
Disney World’s iconic Splash Mountain ride just went on its final run, and some people are not happy about it.
Last year North Carolina Governor Roy Cooper raised a lot of eyebrows when he issued a proclamation celebrating January 23rd to 29th 2022, as School Choice Week in North Carolina.
Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-NY) indicated Monday that she won’t permit the hiring of health care workers who’ve declined to get the COVID vaccine, despite her vaccine mandate being overturned in the courts and a serious healthcare worker shortage.
In pictures
Black smoke was seen rising from the chimney of the world-famous Sistine Chapel as Pope Francis tossed another Bible into the fireplace to keep himself warm.
The 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled in favor of a principal and against a teacher in a Pender County case involving a student assault.

HbAD2

A North Carolina teacher association provides resources to local schools and daycares on introducing radical gender theory to young children.
Mere hours after deploying 31 brand new U.S. M1 Abrams tanks, sources are now reporting all 31 of them have been destroyed by the Russians. Experts are attributing this to the fact that each of the 31 tanks featured rainbow camouflage that was easily visible to the enemy Russians.
The U.S. House Committee on Oversight and Accountability said Tuesday that the National Archives and Records Administration failed to meet a deadline set by the committee to turn over materials for further investigation of the classified documents found in locations tied to President Joe Biden.
New business creation filings grew 40% in 2021 over 2020, for a total of 178,300 new businesses in the state.
more leftist ideological dogma from company selected by BCS superintendant
The Penn Biden Center, a Washington think tank where classified documents were found in November, hosted an event encouraging deeper U.S.-China ties.
shift of ten percentage points from traditional conservatives in Lower Austria

HbAD3

 
Back to Top