John The Baptist Invited To Speak At World Economic Forum On Benefits Of Eating Locusts | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    DAVOS     World Economic Forum President Børge Brende personally invited John the Baptist to speak at their annual meeting Tuesday after uncovering his propensity for eating disgusting bugs and owning nothing while being happy. The unkempt prophet, who arrived dressed in camel's hair, was the key speaker in a discussion about the benefits of eating locusts.

    "They taste great with honey," said the voice of one crying in the wilderness. "It's really not as gross as you'd think. It's pure protein!"

    Members of the elite applauded the prophet of the living God despite their intention to never eat any locusts themselves.

    "This will be a great way to save the world from peasants," said WEF founder and executive chairman Klaus Schwab. "Now we will have an exclusive claim on Omaha Steaks. Yum!"

    Though initially well received, the speech quickly soured after the prophet of the living God began calling the audience to repentance. "REPENT from your sins and be baptized in the Holy Spirit! The kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Flee from the wrath to come!"

    "Boo!" cried European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen. "Boooo! We are perfect!"

    "You brood of vipers!" John said. "Do not think to say to yourselves, 'I am elite.' For I say to you that God is able to raise up the elite from these stones!"

    At publishing time, Bill Gates had reportedly demanded John the Baptist's head on a silver platter.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Unclear Whether Grogu Collapsed Suddenly Due To Force Exertion Or Myocarditis Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 40 Foods That Will Definitely Kill You


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

New business creation filings grew 40% in 2021 over 2020, for a total of 178,300 new businesses in the state.
more leftist ideological dogma from company selected by BCS superintendant
The Penn Biden Center, a Washington think tank where classified documents were found in November, hosted an event encouraging deeper U.S.-China ties.
shift of ten percentage points from traditional conservatives in Lower Austria
University of Richmond changes name of law school, family demands $51 million back
A federal agency under the Biden Administration walked back comments it made earlier in the week that it was considering a ban on gas stoves in new construction or as a replacement product, citing concerns that the appliances may cause a rise in respiratory illnesses.
On Monday, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) announced that a North Korea-associated hacking group had carried out a robbery of $100 million in cryptocurrency last year.

HbAD1

Theologians at the Claremont School of Theology put forward additional evidence that God has a sense of humor by pointing out that 1 out of every 20 pistachios tastes like flaming hot garbage.
Indiana taxpayers shelled out more than $100,000 to 1619 Project author Nikole Hannah-Jones for just over 24 hours of work, according to a contract obtained by The Daily Wire under public records laws.
There are several problems with ballot marking devices such as the one Buncombe County is considering.
Rep. George Santos (R-NY) is a world-class liar. He has told baldfaced lies about nearly everything — from being Jewish to (for some reason) leading the Baruch College volleyball team to wins over Harvard and Yale.
We all want what's best for our children. That's why it's important to educate them early on how to deny gender normativity and embrace dysphoria. What will people think if your child becomes a "normie?" That would be the worst!
According to a poll from late 2022, 50% of Americans trust the FBI either “hardly ever” or “some of the time.”
Former President Donald Trump defended his former vice president on Tuesday after news broke that classified documents had been found at Mike Pence’s home in Indiana.
A prosecutor in Georgia requested the findings of a special grand jury investigating whether former President Donald Trump and his allies illegally interfered in the 2020 election not be released as charges are considered.
In an incident some have labeled the Ukraine-Russia War's "Christmas Truce," Ukrainian and Russian soldiers have paused their fighting to capture a photo of their adorable matching American tanks.

HbAD2

According to a Tuesday report, United States officials have said that the Biden administration is moving in the direction of delivering a number of Abrams M1 tanks to Ukraine with a potential update on the plan this week.
At a forum hosted by the Charlotte Regional Business Alliance on Jan. 9, House Speaker Tim Moore and Senate President Pro Tempore Phil Berger discussed a host of issues leading up to the 2023 legislative session, which began on Jan. 11.
The trial for pro-life activist and Catholic father of seven Mark Houck started Tuesday before U.S. District Judge Gerald J. Pappert in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.
Though the national media often fails to give them attention, state tax reforms are underway across the country.
Republican lawmakers proposed a bill to replace the income, payroll, and estate taxes with a national sales tax while abolishing the IRS.
A local TikTokker was left angry today after she was unable to achieve her goal of drawing attention from men at the gym, who she could then berate on camera and shame publicly on social media.
Five former Memphis Police Department officers are in custody and face several charges after their involvement in the death of a 29-year-old male, who died earlier this month in a hospital days after a confrontation with authorities.
Gov. Roy Cooper is upset that North Carolina House Republicans might amend a rule regarding overriding governor vetoes.
Left-leaning media outlets misled their readers when they touted a new study that purported to show mental health benefits of child sex change treatments, according to one of the first journalists to cover the subject.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top