'I Just Don't Find Weird Al Funny,' Says Uncultured Neanderthal | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ALBUQUERQUE, NM     Jeremy Dunning, an obviously savage Neanderthal who lives in a cave within the Albuquerque city limits, reportedly has been heard on multiple occasions stating that he just doesn't think Weird Al is all that funny.

    "I just don't find Weird Al funny," said the uncultured swine still hunting with a club. "I mean, 'Fat'? That's fat shaming, bro."

    Dr. Andrew Slaton, a Harvard anthropologist, has been studying the man for years. "He doesn't even like 'My Bologna'," said Dr. Slaton. "I mean, that's a classic! So I'm not sure there's any hope for him to integrate into modern life. Like the lonesome tribes in the Amazon, he is better off being left alone to his own devices until he dies off and leaves the world to more civilized people who understand Weird Al. Playing hilarious song parodies just enrages his primitive mind."

    At publishing time, the National Park Service added Mr. Dunning's cave to a list of protected federal lands. Barriers have since been erected to keep people from approaching the feeble simpleton and wasting the glory of "Amish Paradise" on his dumb brain.